March 3, 2014
Even though there weren't that many fashion missteps at the Oscars last night there weren't very many bold moves either. Don't get me wrong, actresses showed up classy as fuck, but no one wowed either. Actually the only fashion foul was Anne Hathaway showing her face.
C(K)lassy Bitches: Charlize Theron, Kate Hudson, Cate Blanchett, Camila Alves
Navy is the new black: Amy Adams, Sandy B, Kevin Spacey
Pregnant chic: Kerry Washington and Olivia Wilde looked so good I was in awe, but it made me immediately think of preggo Kim Kardashian’s bloated face and feet and then I laughed hysterically and then I agressively google costs of surrogacy.
Jennifer Lawrence had a hot swedish fish thing going on.
JGL's Liberace inspired suit. Dapper, slightly MGB, but hot as fuck.
LML=Love my Lupita. Her Prada dress was Cinderella blue and she looked amazing and made Brad Pitt cry with her words yada yada yada. But let’s be real, she looked gorg because literally any color will look good on her skin (which I’m convinced she lathers in butter twice a day) and her face is nothing short of perfect. What bothers me is that no one is willing to say that the cut of the dress was not right for her body...sorry but she's super skinz and super muscular skinz people look super manly. Like you don’t see Justin Bieber galavanting around with a plunging neckline. Well actually you do. Like I love you Loop but I wasn't a fan of your concave pecks. Still my girl, blue.
Kristin Chenoweth looked like the Oscar behind her
Margot Robbie scared actually the shit out of me I’m really unhappy with her new brown hair especially paired with the black dress and the dark lipstick. She looked like Darth Vadar about to fight to the death.
Lately Pharrell's been wearing extremely large hats and extremely short pants. I think he's less happy and more confused.
Penelope Cruz looked like she was going to junior prom in Mexico.
I wanted to like Anna Kendrick's dress but her body is awkward enough she needs to stop contorting her knee out of that dress. Only Angie can pull off the Angie. Somebody get this girl a cup.
OMG Gabourey Sidibe. She looks like an over watered petunia.
I feel like Liza Minnelli thought she was coming to an upscale Simple Plan themed pajama party #nobra #nopanties
Side note about the red carpet.... ABC needs to fire Tyson Beckford he is the worst at interviewing people. Not only did he call Julia Roberts "Jessica Roberts," said extremely descriptive shit like, "she's wearing an amazing blue dress," but also LITERALLY said this to Lupita: "All of Harlem wants to see you win! Everyone at Trevor's house is rootin' for you”. REALLY? Like what's he think she's going to do, fist pound him and start rapping Welcome to my Hood?
Like all the respect in the world for da captain now Barkhad Abdi but why hasn't someone fixed his dead tooth? Fucking Maureen Ponderosa over here.