What's The Deal With Overprotective Guy Friends? Ask A Pro

Questions for Head Pro should be directed to [email protected], and you can find him on Instagram (and Twitter, like anyone cares) at @betchesheadpro. You can also find more of his cool and good advice in our new book, which is available for preorder now.

Dear Head Pro,

I need your advice because I'm having a hard time trying to understand this guy. So. I met him a year ago at a party, I got wasted, and we had sex in his car when he was taking me home. (Sorry). The next day, while I was trying to cure my hangover, my friends and I were talking about my regrets from last night in the group chat. We found out that this guy was actually related to a guy that I used to hook up with. So basically a year before that night i was fucking his brother for two months. I was really embarrased and I decided not to talk to him again, so If i was lucky enough he wouldn't know anything about his brother. I thought that he wouldn't text me anyway so I wasn't really worried. Anyway, for some reason, this guy kept texting me and I just kept ignoring him. One month after trying to meet me again every single weekend he found out about his brother, and I acted like "hahahahawhatacoincidencehahahahleavemealone", so he stopped texting.

The thing is, after this happening, I got back with my ex and long story short, broke up with him two months ago. Anyway, somehow, after breaking up with my ex, I bumped into this guy again, and he started texting me, again! This time I didn't give a fuck about his brother and thought WTH maybe he's actually a cool guy. And he turned out to be really fun, actually. The thing is, I like him now, and we text everyday, but he won't invite me out, like, only the two of us. Everytime we talk about meeting is at a club on a friday night, with all of our friends and alcohol involved. What is his problem? Is he only interested in having casual sex? If so, why in the world is he texting me every fucking single day? Oh, and last time I met him, he told me that he used to be an asshole to all girls, but "wants to start something with me because i'm so funny and he likes me, and doesn't care about what I had with his brother, that he won't judge me". So, why would he say that, and then never invite me out? Like, let's grab dinner, or let's meet for drinks? Only the two of us???? I'm so confused. Is it because he doesn't trust me because I slept with his sibling in the past?

Confused betch.

Well, let's see. You were down to fuck in his car, so he's probably pretty into that. But then you've broken up with his brother not once but twice, and odds are he cares more about his brother than he does you. So, that's where he stands—you're a girl he likes fucking, and probably wants to fuck again, but dating you is probably off-limits because his brother has already been there and done that, and can confirm that it doesn't end well. It's not the sleeping with his brother part that bothers him, it's that his brother has already seen this movie and told him all the spoilers.

So yeah, he only invites you out in group settings because he has no interest in building any actual intimacy with you, just having a good time and maybe getting his penis wet. Do with that information what you will.


So here's the skinny, Head Pro:

Last Fall, I told my best guy friend that I had feelings for him. We've been friends since freshman year of college, though I had only felt platonic friend-love for him up until about mid-October. He handled it well, but told me that he REALLY (his emphasis; not mine) didn't think that it was a good idea because he doesn't want to lose my friendship. In hindsight, I probably dodged a bullet because he can be a huge SAB to whoever his girl of the moment is. However, he consistently treats me like gold and is very protective over me especially regarding the guys I talk to. Unfortunately, I have so far not been able to find a single guy who he "approves of" for me- which leads to him talking a lot of shit about whatever dude I'm currently talking to. Tbh, I'm not sure if this is more of a testament to him or a to me having a thing for douchebags. In recent weeks, this behavior has escalated.

Fast forward to last week—where shit got confusing. I finally met a guy who has potential- graduated summa cum laude from a good school, hot, great job, etc. Basically the opposite of the frat stars I am usually interested in. Shockingly, my friend has been even worse than usual, saying that this new dude is a pussy/not good enough. Is this him being jealous and has he possibly caught feelings since I last broached the subject? Maybe he is just immature AF and scared to commit/voice his feelings when he kinda treats girls like shit? Am I just friends with a giant dick? Only really wondering because formal is fast approaching and I go to school across the state from my possible pro. I had planned on bringing my friend but I don't want to take him if we might black out and hook up. Not that I'm opposed to that (I did have a big crush), but I don't want to head into uncharted territory like Helen Keller (fucking blind)...

P​lease help!​

Ugh, no. Just so much no going on here. Your friend did not, and does not, have feelings for you. I know this because you you told him you wanted to fuck him (well, in as many words, because the difference between being "friends" and "dating" IS the naked stuff), and he said "no." When someone offers me guacamole and I say "no" because avocado is fucking disgusting and I don't understand you people's obsession with smearing it on toast, it's not because I'm trying to save all the guac for the friend that offered it to me. I'm turning it down because I'm not interested in it. I may try to save my friends from eating what I feel is inferior guacamole ("don't eat that guac, it has glass dust in it; I know because I put it there"), but that's only because I care about them, not because I want it for myself.

That said, your friend wanting to be only friends doesn't preclude him from being a jealous cock, which he is. I bet he likes avocado, too. Not wanting a woman and not wanting anyone else to have a woman are not mutually exclusive. Good friends will speak out in your best interests, but will also ultimately get out of your way and let you make your own mistakes. The fact that he gets more vitriolic the closer you get to happiness only makes it more apparent. People use "he treats her like a sister" as a positive thing, but if you think about it it's weird as shit to be brother-level protective of anyone who is not, in fact, your actual sister. As someone who has a sister, it's actually pretty relieving when she's with someone who's not a giant dickhole.

So forget your weirdly possessive friend, and embrace the college graduate who is oddly interested in dating someone who's still a student a whole state away.

Questions for Head Pro should be directed to [email protected], and you can find him on Instagram (and Twitter, like anyone cares) at @betchesheadpro. You can also find more of his cool and good advice in our new book, which is available for preorder now.




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