Your Annoying Paleo Diet Is (Maybe) Making You Fat

By The Head Pro

I don't get paleo dieters, because they're contradictory as hell. They patronize the most expensive Crossfit gyms, but when they get there they work out with rusty pipes and tractor tires. They'll buy the most advanced workout shit, but when it comes to feeding themselves they base their diet off of what they think people ate literally before recorded history. That wouldn't bother me so much if they weren't so smug about it—"Oh, we don't eat peanuts in our house, because we're paleo," or "Do you really need that 6th taco, Head Pro? It's not paleo, and besides I think I can hear your heartbeat from here." Yeah, well, suck it LuluLemon humpers, because this new study from Australia says your stupid Paleo diet will probably make you fat.

The study, by Melbourne University researchers, took two groups of overweight mice with pre-diabetes symptoms. One group was put on the low-carb, high-fat Paleo diet, and the other on their normal diet.

The scientists found that mice on the Paleo diet gained 15 percent of their body weight in only eight weeks.

"The fat mice became even fatter and their glucose control became even worse," said Professor Sof Andrikopoulos.

Yeah, I mean it's just mice so take it for what it's worth, but it makes sense. Paleo people exclude things like grains and dairy from their diets because it's "not what our bodies were made to eat back then." That's preposterous, because what people did "back then" was shove everything in sight into their mouths in hopes of surviving to age 30 so they could die of disease, instead of starvation. The "hunter-gatherer" period was perhaps the most active in human history, seeing as how they had to pick or kill everything they wanted to eat—they needed all that fat and protein. You, working a desk job and doing a WoD four times per week, not so much.

Eating lean meats and lots of vegetables is good. So is eating whole grains and fruits and even some dairy (if you can accommodate it). If you want to start some wackjob new diet, see a professional first. Whatever you do, just please don't tell anyone about it.




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