February 4, 2015
Last summer, Paris Hilton’s little brother Conrad apparently lost his fucking mind on a plane, when he yelled at the flight attendants and passengers and started punching the plane itself. He called the passengers peasants and threatened to kill the flight attendants, which sounds exactly like something a Hilton would do. After the flight, he allegedly checked himself into a rehab facility in California. All of this happened in July, but apparently the police are a little slow because he just got arrested for it this past weekend. Idk why this took six months, but I’m really hoping Conrad can follow in Paris’ footsteps and do some jail time. According to reports:
He "knowingly assaulted flight attendants" - Jordan Belfort humping a stewardess
He "delayed drink service by an hour" - Kristen Wigg's shenanigans in first class
Side bar: This is the most fucked up part of the whole story. Don't delay a betch's diet coke (vodka tonic) when she's on a transatlantic flight.
He started screaming "fuck off" - Kristen Wigg: "Auf wiedersehen asshole"
He yelled "I could get you all fired in 5 minutes. I know your boss! My father will pay this out. He has done it before." - Admittedly, that sounds more like Draco Malfoy "my father will hear about this," but it's still pretty funny.
The flight crew handcuffed him to his seat after he fell asleep - Jordan Belfort waking up after his flight to Switzerland
The whole story is pretty incredible, but the details are honestly the best part. The Hiltons’ lawyer is claiming that Conrad took a sleeping pill before the flight, and that the outburst was most likely just a side effect of the medication. I’ve never taken sleeping pills personally, but I’m pretty sure this isn’t a real thing, or else half the people I know would have violent outbursts on a daily basis. Someone on the plane also said they smelled weed coming from the bathroom while Conrad was in it, which makes sense because we all know how violent weed makes people. If he was that high, he would’ve been more likely to order like $1,000 worth of food and sleep the whole time than yell at everyone. Whatever actually happened, this kid is still going to inherit like billions of dollars, so I’m sure he’ll be just fine.