May 13, 2015
Michael Jackson’s daughter Paris has pretty much stayed out of the public eye for the last few years, but now she’s 17 and she and her boyfriend are fully committed to being a gross social media couple. Her boyf is an 18-year old “semi-pro” soccer player, which probably means he’s like marginally better at soccer than the D2 college player you hooked up with that one time in Mexico. His name is Chester, which explains a lot, and he Instagrammed a mirror selfie of him like blowing on her face or something and throwing up a douchey hand sign.
Here are the facts about this photo: Mirror selfies are gross. Mohawks are gross. Whatever the fuck she’s doing with those pink stripes in her hair, they’re gross. Obviously Michael Jackson wasn’t the most normal father in the world, but someone needs to give Paris a makeover and some life advice ASAP before Chester gets her pregnant and her life loses all hope. Not to be harsh, but get your shit together Paris.