December 18, 2014
Dear People Who Comment on Likes,
I'm the first person to admit that social media likes are a more legitimate form of currency than dollar bills at this point. When people get over 300 likes on a photo, I genuinely respect them more as a person. When I don't get at least 250 on my own, I start to panic and wonder if my friends are finally punishing me for never returning their clothes. Likes matter. They really do.
That being said, I would greatly appreciate if you resisted the urge to provide the most asinine play by plays in the comment section of every well-liked profile picture or Instagram photo. When I see exclamations like,
"68 likes in 20 minutes?!" or,
"284 likes!! WHO ARE YOU?!"
I kind of want to die.
It's obviously a very exciting time when our bestie has just posted a professional looking candid and we know its about to blow the fuck up on everyone's newsfeed. I'm not saying you shouldn't be supportive, especially if it's like, me. But we also all know how to read, and I can guarantee that everyone is very much up to speed with the number of hearts, thumbs up, etc on every picture they look at.
Not only are comments about likes totally useless and rhetorical,
Stupid Person: Zomggg how do you have so many likes?!
Me: Because I'm popular...
...they also make you look like a tryhard. No one is actually supposed to admit that they obsess over their number of likes to anyone besides their good friends. Just let it fucking happen.
Finally, call me old fashioned, but I'm still really weirded out when people that I didn't even know I was FB friends with start liking all my shit. I get that they want me to like their pictures back, but tbh I'm just not that kind of girl.
Defriending you as we speak,