January 30, 2013
In addition to being one of the most ridiculous episodes of Pretty little Liars ever it was also one of the funniest. Most notable was Spencer's dive into the crazy pool and Toby's mother fucking du-rag. The latter made me laugh harder than the time I accidentally texted "Jon was so bad in bed" ...to Jon. Like, you know you're a badass when your fashion icon is Rosie the Riveter.
Another thing to note is that all of the parents are completely ineffective at being effective at anything. Specifically, Byron, if your one job on earth is to make sure your kids don't get hurt then maybe you should take an aptitude test because you fucking suck at it. And generally, conversations with the girls' parents go something like this:
Parents: Are you being cyber-stalked again?
Kids: Like, no get out of my room
Parents: You have a track record of lying to us about these things but we believe you this time... Also we're having tilapia for dinner.
As a side note, I know this is a little late to ask but, is it even possible to send a text from a blocked number? Also you have so much evidence to show that you're bullied but you choose to delete it. Like, save the texts...they're called screenshots, use them. The sole conversation that keeps this show keeping on:
Aria: Guys, we are so not ready to tell the cops about A
Emily: I guess you're right
...WHY THE FUCK NOT?
On a different page, Ali would totally be down for an aborsh. Just saying.
Aria's style basically consists of clashing prints and fugly statement necklaces. Like we get it bitch, you are a quirky ass hoe.
I found a new nickname for a vagina: Ezra
Spotted: Hefty Hanna dipping into the freezer. Old habits die hard.
One of my favorite lines ever:
Hanna's mom: What's a pink drink? Is that code for something gay?
Obviously Hanna tails Bruce and ends up at a lesbian soiree. Is Bruce cheating on Emily with raspberry flirtinis and other softball players!? Rosewood doesn't seem diverse enough to have lesbian bars.
It's so convenient that out of nowhere Emily receives a package with new evidence just as their investigation was slowing down a bit.
It's also pretty convenient that all of the liars are like, professional handwriting analysts. The show's writers are always writing in new talents for the girls. Is there anything they can't do? I mean besides, you know, telling the truth?
Spencer: Why should we care what happened to Ali?
Emily: Because we DO care
Really? That's the best possible fucking reason you could come up with? Not the fact that whoever allegedly killed her is coming for you too?
But I digress, I don't really like Bruce in large, ghetto hoop earrings.
Spence is having weird sex dreams about Toby. She's like one of those middle-American kids who choke each other for arousal. Don't worry Spencer, making out with Toby is a nightmare of mine too.
Aren't the Hastings like super rich? Why is she riding Dorothy's bike from the Wizard of Oz.
Spencer looks mad diseased in this episode. What's with Rosewood's high percentage of its population going clinically insane? Maybe there is something in the water supply? Not to bring up the Pensylvania caste system again, but they are all at least upper-middle-class, surely they can afford bottled water.
Who uses scissors to open TV dinners? Spencer: WE SHOULD TOTALLY JUST STAB THIS LEAN CUISINE!
Spencer crying alone in her car = extreme act of melodramatic teen angst. Not only did you look worse after putting on your "lip stain" but I swear that any minute you would get out of the car and run like Phoebe Buffay in Central Park.
I like how Spencer rips the picture of her and Toby apart before giving it to the private investigator who they make you think is some Tinder date. "Like oh give me that I actually look pretty hot in that pic."
OMG those bobble heads are so cool I want one. "A" must have a great bobble head designer. And that blow torch looks really powerful she must have gotten it at Home Expo.