February 27, 2013
So last night's PLL was as ridiculous as they come and once again, 'lying despite an insane amount of reasoning that telling the truth is the way to go' remains the norm. But seriously, this shit has been going on for so long that even the characters are becoming self-aware.
Spencer: You guys need to know that I've been warned not to tell you.
Emily: What else is new.
Sure we're all for making shit up but I mean, even Aladdin got the memo in less than 60 minutes of airtime that eventually telling the truth makes things much fucking easier.
ABCF decided to liven things up this week by spoon feeding us hashtags that no one in their right mind would ever tweet. Things like #ezrasnewfamily or #ariabreastfeedsmalcom. I also forgot how gross Toby's truck is, and longed for an ABCF-inspired hashtag like #tobysfuckingdisgustingtruckfailed. Hashtags aside, nothing piqued our interest this week more than A and Mona's new flower arranging hobbies.
This week we got to thinking that A has invested more time and money in this 'stalking and terrorizing the Liars' thing than a normal teen invests in trying to get into college. Mona's giving ominous gardening tips and A had to have paid at least $200 for that floral arrangement. This shit better be on the resume at this point. On to our observations this week, which we hope are more on point than Emily's shitty acting strategies.
On Toby: "He gave me the courage to come out" - OH really? I thought that was to your dead girlfriend Maya's credit?
Someone casually insults Hanna on her weight or stupidity every week and this week it was Emily's turn: "Since when do you watch the news?"
I like Emily's reasoning: Just because Toby was in a black hoodie and has a large forehead and was seen in your kitchen seconds before someone tried to kill Spencer does not mean Toby is A!
I gave him a book about bikers where he happens to keep all his IDs. DO YOU GET IT!? HE HAS A MOTORCYCLE!
I feel like Emily's acting strategies are like Joey Tribbiani's. Mostly it's like "Make a face as if you don't speak English!"
REALLY EMILY? You're really gonna ignore the warning that someone's going to try to kill you from one of the girls that someone tries to kill on a bi-weekly basis? That just seems counter intuitive.
Why does baby Fitz look like just like Caleb…foreshadowing?
Gets to play mom/babysitter to Ezra's rando son who looks weirdly Asian for being entirely white.
Alex Mack is also looking for a job at Rosewood High?! Jesus Christ WHY DOES EVERYONE HAVE TO WORK AT THE SCHOOL?!
If I were Aria my first reaction when that kid fell off the bed would be to laugh hysterically.
You took him to the hospital? #197 Overreacting, it's called a fucking band-aid.
Ezra: Do u wanna come over we're about to build a castle?
Aria: Fuck that
A has more lyrical prose than a Lil' Wayne song. "Someone close to you will pay for your loose lips. And it won't be your plastic surgeon."
To Mona: "If you so much touch one hair on their heads I will smash you to pieces in an academic decathlon. I’ll tear you apart, either with my bare hands, or my rhetoric!”
Toby has a tattoo that says 901 free at last? That's pretty fucking weird. What are his other tattoos? 68 I owe you 1?
Did I blackout? Why is Spencer in the psych ward? Wouldn't she be in a regular hospital or do camping trips automatically lead to forced psychiatric intake?
These girls should invest in some night vision goggles since they're always in the fucking forest.
Why are you dressed like you're in The Runaways?
Hanna's mom is such a delusional murderer. "Maybe I didn't hit him as hard as I thought. Maybe he woke up and realized he was in the wrong. Maybe this whole thing will go away. Maybe he'll text me for a froyo date."
Someone (presumably A and not the valet) parks Wilden's car in Hanna's garage. Obviously Hanna's gut reaction is to do the smart thing and drive the car (which would obviously have GPS police tracking in it) into a lake where no one would ever possibly find it! Also, how the fuck did you possibly push that car in all by yourself? I guess they don't call you Hefty Hanna for nothing.
I really want Hanna to scream Wilden's name like Tom Hanks ...WILSON!!!!
These girls need to smoke some weed.
Cause you don't wanna miss a thing