This Police Report From A NFL Game Proves Fans Are Just As Dumb As We Think They Are

By LaBetch James

The Bengals-Steelers game was just as ugly off the field as it was on the field at Paul Brown Stadium. The Cincinnati Enquirer wrote up an epic report for our entertainment, featuring fan behavior that truly cements Cincinnati as the shittiest city in the world. The fans arrested were cited for everything from public urination to stealing hats.


Martin Cooke, 33, of Germantown, Kentucky, was arrested after police said he urinated on the person in front of him in Paul Brown Stadium. Cooke, who wore a Bengals hoodie, is accused of fighting with the man and punching him in the face, court documents state. He is facing disorderly conduct and assault charges. Cooke is scheduled to appear in court Monday.

Classic Kentucky. But this next 19-year-old puts Martin to shame.

The first altercation occurred in a line to get inside the stadium around 8 p.m. just before the game’s kickoff. Police said it began when Jared McCarty, 19, of Reading, argued with a woman about cutting in line at an entrance gate and stole her Bengals hat.

McCarty, who wore a Bengals jersey, threw the hat away, police said, and the two groups separated only to run into each other again at their seats inside the stadium. The argument resumed in the stands and McCarty allegedly punched the woman in the head, causing her to fall to the ground, court documents state.

Police discovered a fake identification card on McCarty upon his arrest. The teen admitted to drinking alcohol, police said.

And then there's this gem.

A Cheviot man who wore a black shirt to the game, is accused of head-butting a man in the face. Phillip Ross, 29, was arrested at Paul Brown Stadium and is accused of assault. His Facebook page suggests Ross is a Bengals fan.

Finally, the always intelligent move of throwing beers at other fans with thousands of eyewitnesses.

Police said David Grillo, 25, of Belle Vernon, Pennsylvania, walked up an aisle in the stadium and threw a beer at a fan during the game. Grillo was wearing a black jersey at the time, police said, and his Facebook page indicates he is a Steelers fan. The beer hit the fan in the face and caused lacerations, police said. Grillo is accused of assault. His court date is not yet scheduled.

We finally have confirmation that football is just as dumb as we've always known.




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