September 24, 2015
So the Pope is currently taking his semester abroad in America. Most of the time we're not so chill with Popes, but this one - Frank - says it's sometimes okay to get abortions (like after Spring Formal) and doesn't totally hate gay people. For a comparison: #63 America is to the Pope like you to your family when you started drinking at holiday dinners.
Simultaneously, people started preordering the new iPhone 6s. But like the Pope is traveling and people are also traveling to see him, so traffic in airports and on roads is a fucking disaster.
The iPhone 6s was supposed to be delivered to people who preordered it on Friday, but UPS, FedEx, and USPS all collectively said "nah, fam." Well, they actually said that "service disruptions are expected and that people may experience delays." So basically, instead of getting your new iPhone, you can watch a livestream of Pope Frank blessing American Catholics. Congrats.
Naturally, this has many people questioning if there is in fact a God. Pope Frank has yet to comment on the situation..