An Open Letter to Viral Pregnancy Announcements

Dear Pathetic YouTube Attention Whores,

Here’s a PSA for you: Don’t get pregnant. If you ever do decide to have a baby, please, please, please don’t make a fucking YouTube video to announce the imminent arrival of your bundle of poop and vomit.

Sure, you may be pretty excited to have a baby, especially if you’ve wanted one for any amount of time that isn’t the three minutes it takes to pee on a stick and have the results show up. Being excited about things can be chill, I guess. But I will never understand why you feel like you need to announce your impending doom to the rest of the world.

Case Study: The fucking annoying duo that is Sam and Nia. You probably remember these assholes from their first pregnancy announcement video, where Sam tests Nia’s pee that’s just fucking sitting there in the toilet (What kind of garbage person doesn’t flush?!) and then surprises his wife with her own pregnancy.

Like two seconds later, they make a super sad video about Nia’s miscarriage. Which, don’t get me wrong, is actually very sad and probably very difficult to experience. A bunch of people were like, “The whole pregnancy was fucking fake!”, which may or may not be true.

Save your argument about how the video was important because it raised awareness about the struggles of miscarriage. If the goal of their videos was to help other people I’d probably shut my dirty whorish mouth, but, alas, the point of the videos were to make a bunch of ad money from their otherwise totally bogus and pointless YouTube channel.

Anyway, they’ve made another video with a couple hundred thousand views announcing yet another possible pregnancy.

If this was the only instance of people trying to make announcing their demon spawn into an occupation it would be one thing, but this is, like, a full on epidemic!

Basically, I’m so over people using the internet to gain fame for doing things 98% of the population can do. Oh, you had a bunch of sex and created a life that now has to live with two shitty people as parents? Great. Well done.

I’m just not impressed by it. Unless you’re one of my actual best friends, I don’t really care about your major life moments. I’m not a bitter betch, in fact, I’m perfectly capable of caring about people close to me. Actually, these people are probably close to me because they’re perfectly content with the support of close family and friends and don’t feel the need to be validated by strangers on the internet.


The Betches




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