Pretty Little Liars Recap: A is for A

By The Betches

For an episode that was supposed to be all about the answers I didn’t really feel like we got that many, did you? I mean yes, we learned some pretty crazy shit about Ali’s life like how she has no prob drugging her friends and that her mom is a raging moron but we’re still left with the question of who is A? Who is Mrs. D protecting? Why was/is A trying to kill Alison? Who’s the bitch buried in Ali’s place? What mascara does Ali use? Shit remained flawless even after she was submerged in dirt for a solid 10 min.

It was a decent finale. But I don’t know why they would ever think we give a shit if Ezra is alive or not. He literally sucks. What we should really be focused on is who was the guy who tried to shoot them. Was it Jason? Is that who Mrs D would protect? Also, in a battle of one man with a gun vs 5 unarmed teenage girls in heels you’d think the armed gun man would win.. BUT NOPE. Somehow Hanna got her hands on the gun. I mean she did run for it SO FAST. She prob thought it squirted out chocolate milk.

Since last night was centered around Alison, we’ve decided to change our regular (Spencer, Emily, Hanna, Aria) formatting to a more appropriate Call Outs and LOL Moments. Let’s begin.

Call outs:

When Noel shows up and everyone’s like, oh yeah I TOTALLY forgot about him.

Are we really supposed to believe Toady leaped his way to London just to tell Melissa that Spencer needs help? Spencer hates Melissa, also Toady is poor.

“I thought a weekend away with Ian would give me a reprieve” she would never say this. A more realistic phrasing would be “I thought I could chill out if Ian paid for a hotel for a weekend away somewhere, where we could fuck”

If these are Ian’s most precious and coveted secret videos that he would never want to get out, wouldn’t he AT LEAST keep them in a password protected folder on his comp and like, name the files something other than JENNA_TOBY_HANDSTUFF

“Bitch can’t see you but I do. Tonight’s the night I kill you.” Sort of offensive towards the blind, but okay.

How many errands was Alison running that night? I can’t handle more than like, going to CVS and picking up froyo.

Alison’s mom is a huge fucking idiot. Who buries their OWN DAUGHTER without checking a pulse? What a wackjob.

Alison emerges from the grave like Beatrix Kiddo, channeling the yellow, but with the IQ of B’s daughter, maybe less.

You have a major head wound I would suggest NOT resting. #concussiongirlproblems


How is it that this entire time Spencer’s parents were convinced Spencer killed Alison or the mystery girl but Melissa went and spoke to someone at the police dept and found out who actually did it in less than 5 minutes? Then she cried about it like a freak. Fucking Nanny Carrie.

Okay like a gun shot to the stomach is like the slowest death ever, Ezra would be j chillin on that roof until an ambulance arrived. But it was well worth Aria’s "NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!”

Also why do people run to the roof to escape!? Actually, I should know better than to ask these questions. We’re talking about the same people who use ski lifts, the things that loop around, as a means of escape.

LOL Moments:

Hanna: Probably because we’re just sitting here like geese.
Spencer: Ducks.
Hanna: Whatever they both quack
Spencer: Actually geese honk

“I’m ready to tell you guys everything… after the commercial break”


Aria: I know we’re here to figure out who killed you and all but do you happen to know if my boyfriend was like lying and stuff? 

Hanna and the gargantuan pile of cookies. HEFTY HANNA WANT COOKIE!!!

Alison is She’s All That’ing Mona and it’s amazing. “Lose the glasses and the barettes. You don’t have to be a loser, Mona.”

Emily on Beyonce: I’m loving her new video.
Ali: Maybe a little bit too much Em?
So Alison constantly calls out Emily for being a lezbo, roofies her friends and no one was overjoyed that she was dead?

ARE U SPEEDING?! - lol, again, Ali would never say this. She’d be like “Omg Spence you have adderall? Just when I thought there was no hope for our friendship. Can I get some?"

Who is this karatay gunman? How did A get their hands on semi automatic weapons? “There’s no way that’s your mom” - Hanna

UGH the end was so EZRA-Y. Ezra gets shot and looks out into the sunset. He says “it’s beautiful” instead of saying something you know, more appropriate, like “OUCH”

Oh so now Mrs DiLaurentis is being thrown in a ditch? Who is this maniac constantly digging holes in Rosewood? Stanley Yelants?





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