January 29, 2014
Fucking finally. Pretty Little Liars got their shit together and made a quality episode. From the self-awareness of Hanna’s stupidity to Spencer’s hunt for adderall, not only was the comedy top notch, but they also made some actual progress in the plot, which happens like, as often as Jenna loses and regains her sense of sight.
So many amazing things unfolded last night: Hanna’s newfound fervor for the written word, Spencer’s recently developed heroine-chic look, Emily latest craze for doing routine tasks alone in the dark then almost killing her dad! Unfortunately, Aria is up to the same shit: dressing like a warlock and her favorite hobby, negotiating Malcolm’s custody case.
Are you seriously wearing flare on your leather jacket? Pins are for children and employees of Macys.
For a senior in high school, Aria bugs out WAY too much about her brother’s seemingly low key partay. Like YOU’RE A SENIOR. Stop banging your teacher and start getting drunk. Instead she says really weird shit to her brother like, “I don’t wanna spend the next few days peelin’ pepperoni off the walls" and "was Mona here to poop or snoop!?” ...this is all still while wearing her flare.
YAY Mack is back with an even shorter pixie cut and deeper wrinkles! Been hittin' those chemical plants as a metallic goop a little too hard these days?
Is Aria going to start dating her fugly guidance counselor who is conveniently young as well? I’M NOT A REGULAR GUIDANCE COUNSELOR IM A
COOL GUIDANCE COUNSELOR HUGE PEDOPHILE.
Aria: Spencer was just trying to protect you.
Emily: No she was trying to cockblock me.
Emily patrolling people making out at Aria’s brother’s party: "UM HELLO, that’s someone’s desk!!” Emily hates hetero interactions.
Emily’s dad: I should’ve taken a longer furlough if I had known how shaken up you were about the accident. A car drove through the window.
Emily: It’s not about the car dad. Someone cockblocked me last night.
An actual quote:
Ezra: Senior year could be quite..rough
Emily’s dad: That’s what she said
I thought Emily’s dad came to Ezra to bribe him into giving her A’s (no pun intended) because her workload is too much but instead he accepted Ezra’s offer of giving her EXTRA work? What kind of bullshit exchange is that.
For someone who is so scared of an intruder that she almost stabbed her own father, Emily is very keen on going into her dark high school after hours to make copies. It’s called Staples, loser.
"Act normal bitch.” But really, I think A is attempting to make a commentary on your acting because this is literally you:
Emily’s such a drama queen, she REALLY couldn’t have opened that window? Like her dad did it easily...after scaling a building... from the outside...barely gripping on to a pipe…with his big toe.
Hey while the police and ambulance are here, think they might look into the CRAZED KILLER TRYING TO BREAK INTO THE ENGLISH ROOM AND MURDER YOU!? No? You just gonna go for a sleepover at your friend’s house? Kk.
“Maybe we shouldn’t refer to the dead girl as ‘random’."
Wow Spencer is a really light and flirty. “I didn’t ask you here to study, Andrew. I’ve been watching you. Plus once, I showed you my side-boob.”
I love how Spencer takes an adderall so that she can read Ali’s diaries. #loser
Blonde guy who’s probs a virgin aka Andrew: Since when does Spencer Hastings trust anyone’s notes but her own
Spencer: So why’d you come here then?
Blonde guy who’s probs a virgin aka Andrew: I thought maybe you were done with that carpenter. ------ TOBY’s a carpenter? Now that’s comedic gold.
… We still don’t know how she did on her physics test, just saying.
Spencer WOULD figure out that Ezra is Board Shorts! And to think, it was all discovered by Ezra’s womanly choice of beer.
Spencer looks like a monster demon zombie. Why can’t they show a realistic depiction of adderall and have her perusing Facebook while drinking coffee and compulsively chain smoking?
The Hanna can’t read jokes need to keep coming because I literally CANNOT:
Hanna: This guy is a genius! This is the third book of his I’ve read this week!
Spencer : Is Travis reading them to you?
Hanna : No, I’m not seeing him anymore. (the part of Spencer’s question she was most insulted with)
Spencer: So YOU stayed home to read a book!?
Hanna can easily be like, "Stop making constant references to me being fat and stupid.” But instead she just brushes them off with a book in her right hand and a graham cracker in her mouth.
I actually LOL’ed at this one:
Hanna: The sociopathic mind feeds on intricate patterns!
Emily: Oh Hanna please stop reading
So convenient …. sexual tension with this Tom Cruisey detective I literally never see yet I conveniently bump into him twice in one day and he gives me a clue to A! Kewl.
Admittedly, that dentist scene was the scariest of A attacks thus far. Ezra / A is getting serious. Notes in Hanna’s tooth!? “I told you. Dead Girls Can’t Smile. Stop Looking. - A”
I love how she’s supposed to channel a detective during this episode so they dress her in an ugly trench coat and dress scarf. She looks like fucking Judy Dench.
Clues from this episode:
Ezra used to hook up with Ali (he totes would)
Ezra texts someone saying there’s a minor setback re: Alison
Mona comes to the classroom and closes the door and smiles
Mona starts fooking Aria’s brother
C. Cavanaugh was written on the dentist sign in sheet. Who's C!? Coby Cavanaugh? Cece Cavanaugh? Cunty Cavanaugh?