Pretty Little Liars Recap: Tis the Season To Get Murdered

By The Betches

Well that was a fun episode. In one hour they managed to pack in a series of terrible outfits, unnecessary low talking, a very well cast Mrs. Vanderwaal, a fuck ton of Christmas cheer, and a tragic murder. How DO they do it?!

However, if this murder happened say two or three weeks ago, it wouldn’t be all that tragic because Mona was a bitch. But since then it has been all happiness and hacking and we and the Liars like her again (but it doesn’t mean we’re besties) but now Mona is dead. And we are left feeling like, why’d she have to die, you know? Especially after we met her really cool mom with the Southern twang who looked exactly like Mona and baked cookies for Hanna. Chocolate chip, the kind she liked.

So, RIP Mona, we’ll miss your superior hacking skills, headbands, and spontaneous personality changes.

Let’s go over the episode before we go into theories and serious concerns.

Spencer got a lot of bad news last night. First she found out that she is the prime suspect for Bethany Young’s murder. Second, she saw Toby wearing a police uniform. Third, she had to keep a straight face while she gave Toby a pocket watch hoping he would get that she was just punking him (because like who the fuck would ever give an engraved pocket watch after 1935!?) but he took it seriously and she was like oh I love you, you’re still in a police hat this is awkward lets make out. Fourth, Toby ONLY broke his leg in that accident. Fifth, she was actually arrested. AND LIKE is in jail. If I were Spencer I would be like, I shouldn’t be here! You know who should!? Ezra, he’s like 35 and he’s baking pumpkin pie with my underage BAE.

Meanwhile Hanna is traipsing around Rosewood in outfits Marilyn Manson wouldn’t even be caught dead wearing. Fishnets, denim skirt, some lace up tank top and a kimono. What the fuck side of Caleb’s magical firefly cot did you wake up on, Hanna? Ugh and now one of her ex besties/pseudo attempted murderer turned once again bestie just died and she’s going to get even more emo. Can’t we all be normcore like the rest of the world?

Not to be insensitive here but the entire episode I could not stop staring at the extremely unsubtle ways they tried to cover up Ali’s weight gain. They even had her rest her arms on her stomach. What is this, Biggest Loser? "Alison stole my life from me when she crowned me Rosewood’s biggest loser,” says Mona, well look who’s the biggest loser now? Meh, actually no, Mona kinda lost this battle.

When Aria wasn’t baking pumpkin pie with Ezzy F Baby for the Thanksgiving dinner her parents invited him to, which by the way is the most absurd thing I’ve ever heard because she’s too young for you bro, she was busy still volunteering at Radley because she’s interested in art and stuff. And then for Thanksgiving dinner she decided to dress as Barbara Streisand in Meet the Fockers.

Emily was my absolute favorite this episode, possibly because she had a personality that didn’t include furrowing her brows and looking around feverishly as if she just farted and hoped no one had noticed. Like "Christmas Emily" was on point, wearing her ‘This Girl lLves Christmas’ tee while telling Bruce to move Santa a bit to the other right and cradling baby Jesus ever so gently. Let’s deck the halls and fa la la la fellatio Paige!

Call outs / LOL Moments

“It’s all your fault. A”  - Did someone take a big shit that no one is fessing up to?

How does everyone on this show have the time to apply such glossy lip balm so frequently?

But really, do the police really think Spencer killed Bethany because she would do anything to make Ali keep the secret that she does a little Adderall here and there? I mean that’s what they’re going on? REALLY.

Of course Emily and Paige got together in time for Emily to fake sick and Paige to be concerned and bring her chicken noodle soup because that always makes everyone feel better when they’re coughing up phlegm. But no she sees Ali leaving Emily's, so she decides to follow her, Cindy and Mindy, and find her army of freaks at a farm...probs all like riding horses into the wind. Why is the town of Rosewood like, so weird? Can’t people go to parties and get drunk it’s fucking senior year.

Who drives a Volkswagen Beatle anymore? PUNCHBUGGY A!

Where did these girls get fake nurse costumes? Rosewood Party City? And furthermore why do Radley nurses still wear World War II apparel? It’s fucking 2014 and they’re in Pennsylvania. AND Mona has access to like the most high tech gear there is yet she chooses to the wear world's biggest Beats as a means to go undercover. Ugh this show makes no sense. Bring in the dancing lobsters.

I thought Spencer heard from Penn like 3 years ago or some shit like that when she was fighting with Cece. Do we think now that Mona is dead Spencer is going to get early acceptance from Harvard and Yale? #nerddrama

Mona: I'll be a right down mom, just going over some confessional voice recordings of this girl who went to my school who is probably a convicted murderer.

You can’t rule something a homicide without a body! That’s like Law and Order SVU 101. You also can’t just be like 'oh she’s dead' to the press without talking to the parents before hand.

Oh how cute, they replaced baby Jesus with American Girl doll Samantha.

I don’t get it, so A just like kills someone one day and the next she goes on to do some arts and crafts? What are these photoshopped pictures of the liars on a ski slope? Is ‘A’ Michael Scott?

I don’t want to tweet my reactions to get Mona’s reactions to her own characte'rs death its just gonna be like “well shit, i’m out of a job @abcfPLL #awkward”

Theories / Concerns

Things we know:
Mrs. D had an affair with Spencer’s dad
Mrs. D took Bethany Young out of Radley sometimes to go horse riding; She told her to call her Aunty Jess and was all like it’s meeee Jessica.
Mrs. D was having an affair with Bethany’s dad

Things we don’t know:
Why was Jessica DiLaurentis such a slut?
Was Bethany Young also Spencer’s dad’s kid (blonde hair just like Jason)
Did Ali really kill her and try to frame Spencer?

Things we’re speculating:
Ali probably didn’t kill Mona for these reasons:
- Anytime we’re positive about something and they don’t confirm it, it’s probably not true. They didn’t confirm Ali as the killer by not showing her face. We were so positive A was Toby that one time, we were so positive A was Ezra that one time. We were never right.
-However, it is definitely still possible Alison is A because Mona is dead and she has all the answers and idk, murder. That two can’t keep a secret if the other one is dead song ties in here somehow.
-It was probably Cece because she's the only person we know capable of killing someone (she killed that other detective whose name I already forgot) and she has blonde hair and she’s on Ali’s side right? Or is she not I can’t keep track of this shit thank god this is the summer finale my head hurts. Regardless of who killed Mona, why wouldn’t they put their hair up like, it’s long and blonde. it would so be found at a scene of a crime. God Ali why are you so stupid!

Write your theories in the comments bitches. 




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