Pretty Little Liars Recap: You Can Brush His Hair, Undress 'A' Anywhere

By The Betches

The season finale of PLL was nothing less than tremendously dumb. Can we all please discuss the gargantuan elephant in the room which is WHO THE FUCK IS CHARLES? Oh yeah Charles, of course, he's A! Jason’s twin brother, who happens to be a rich mastermind hacker and exceptional interior decorator.

There are two huge twists in this big A reveal. 1) Ali’s twin isn’t A, but instead it’s her brother’s. 2) The reason A has been attacking them this entire time, the reason why he staged Mona’s murder, sends Ali to jail, kidnaps the rest of the girls, stages their fake rooms as if it were really their own from home, only to … recreate his own senior prom and go...with his own sister. And from this we learn that A is the biggest fucking loser ever.

"He’s like in love with me or something." - Alison

The episode starts off in the PD van where all the girls are together, not freaking out about the fact they’re never getting into college after this, in their orange jumpsuits chained together like they’re in Django. It made absolutely no sense why Hanna was even in that van because she wasn’t even at the trial. But we’ll ignore that because we got to hear her going on and on about how hard it is to be locked up, and how thug she is. Then the rest of the girls are like, cool story Akon. “You guys don’t even know. It’s a nightmare. They don’t even have kale or like, cupcakes.”

Then the van is stopped. Spencer says, “oh it sounds like we just had an accident,” to which Aria classily responds,”yeah in my PANTS.” Obviously A was the one who stopped the van, because one can totally remote control a vehicle by "hacking" into its computer and because he is able to successfully hijack a police van where there are typically 2 armed officers. But not this one, unless he took notes from Rachel Greene and fogged them both.

Back in Rosewood Toady, Ezra, and Caleb are doing their own investagatory journalism while the police are just like casually going back and forth about not telling anyone they lost three teenagers.

Ezra gets mad and starts punching the wall. “We’ve got nothing..NOTHING…NOTHANNNNGGG” - Whitney Houston and Ezra Fitz.

Back at A’s lair, the girls discover they are in some creepy doll house through this very subtle conversation. The writers have done it again.
Aria: We’re in A’s house.
Spencer: More like A’s doll house.
Emily: Yeah, and we’re the dolls.

Spencer obviously figured out it wasn’t really her room by looking at the tag under the chair. “WTF I would never buy anything from Pottery Barn!"

But wait, OMG. This actually is huge. Mona is alive! And the girls react to her reincarnation by giving her a cute little hug and asking why her hair is so fugly. Then the 5 of them sit down for “tea time” and then “game time” which was like the easiest game ever. You just open the door to see who your date is? Is it timed? Can you steal? But as soon as Hanna saw Caleb’s picture her thug side came back to say hello. “YOU DO ANYTHIN’ WIT MA MAN CALEB AND I’LL CUTCHU BITCH. NOW GIVE ME A TWINKIE.”

Back to Rosewood. I like how it took this long for a parent to be involved. But also like, how could they possibly keep the kidnapping info from the rest of the parents. They’re not minors or anything… just leave all the investigatory work to three boyfriends and world’s worst detective.

Speaking of, can we talk about Detective Tanner for a second and how fucking stupid she is. I think that it was Caleb who stopped the van because he has exquisite hacking skills. Uh like what? There are other people in this world… why don’t you start looking at others in Rosewood. They introduce a new random mildly-important character like every 2 episodes. Try the ginger, they’re usually guilty of something.

Then Ezra gets a text (from his doorman?) that the cops are here, (but really, who texted him saying cops are here) and Caleb like oh it’s for me PEACE. The Hastings are like, it’s totes fine we’ll take him on pro bono we’re the only lawyers in Rosewood and he’s poor.

Then they show Andrew listening in on the convo. Because what the fuck does that have to do with anything? Is he going to save the day? How could he possibly be spying on them is he a mastermind hacker too? Do the writers even know what the fuck they’re writing into the plot because at this point I think it’s like, “oh does this character seem like he could also be a hacker extraordinaire? No? Ok then now he's a hacker.”

Back at the lair, it seems as though the girls are figuring out A’s train of thought and trying to get ahead of him because they came up with a masterful plan of escape. Good thing Spencer and Mona know how to make a “machine that will shut off the power in this entire building” off the top of their heads, from scratch.

Side note: Ew are these girls wearing the same underwear this whole time?

Through some of Spencer and Emily’s best work yet, their fake girl fight turned A on so much that he didn’t even see pseudo-Mona steal the tools for their device.

Enter fake prom night. The girls are dressed in outfits provided to them by A, as are the rest of the mannequins. Charles must have gone hard with that prom dress Groupon he was saving. Omg and Natasha Bedingfield makes an entrance as well. Probs the best entrance yet because I totally wanted to watch the Hills after that. Ugh I miss Lauren and her friendship woes.

After they use their little camera machine (I love that when it’s convenient for the plot, A does not notice them building a camera/bomb yet when they're out of his lair they can't even take a shit without him sending them an ominous text) Then they run but in true PLL fashion: in their heels and push up bras.

Spencer finds A’s little room where he plays a video of Ali’s mom holding a baby (presumed to be Ali) and two toddler boys (presumed to be Jason and Charles). Then Tanner finds A’s other lair where he watches them from his surveillance aka some old farm where Spencer and Ali used to go as children. Meanwhile, the girls escape outside only to find that they are like in the middle of nowhere, still enclosed by an electrical fence. Womp womp. I guess it’s back to the chokie!!

EXTREME QUESTIONS LEFT UNANSWERED to which I frankly don’t want the answers because I really don’t want to watch next season:

1. What’s A going to do with that gas mask he gave Mona?
2. Was this an actual reveal, because they didn’t really explicitly say any of this to be true. It’s possible that that wasn’t really Charles room and just the fake room he made for Jason when he kidnaps him in the future.
3. Can A like do something else with his life? Like sell all his hoodies on Ebay I’m sure he’d make a few grand.
4. Is Charles really the best name they could come up with for A? What about Todd or Steve. Equally as menacing.
4. Who leased him the underground prison? Durst Organization?




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