Princess Charlotte Was The Star Of July 4th Weekend

By Queen Elizabetch

Princess Charlotte, 4th in line to the British throne and your future spirit animal, was christened this weekend. Basically, she made everyone wake up early on a Sunday to watch her get #blessed. Keeping with the theme of her life, Char wore a hand me down dress that was custom made for her brother.

Princess Kate wore white and pushed Char in a vintage stroller (so fetch) while Prince William wore blue and held hands with Prince George who wore red. It was this weekend's only classy and subtle representation of red, white, and blue.

It's amazing that Kate planned the christening for July 5th. So while Americans woke up with a bald eagle sized hangover and star spangled regrets, the British Royal Family dressed up to celebrate a baby at church. It's kind of like when your older, married sister hosts Sunday brunch for the family at her house and you throw up in the bathroom.

Princess Char has five godparents, which means that she has five people to buy her presents and watch her dance recitals. Neither one of Kate's siblings, Pippa "dat ass" Middleton and James Middleton - who is taking the beard trend way way too far - were named godparents even though Princess C will need all of their advice on how to steal the spotlight. Prince Harry wasn't even at the ceremony because he was too hungover, just kidding he was in Africa saving the world.

Congrats to the British Royal Family on another milestone, now the media can start their countdown to Char's nude photo leak.





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