April 9, 2014
The weeks leading up to a betch's vacation, specifically with her besties, are almost as exciting as the vacation itself, with the exception of the pressure accompanying buying new bathing suits, packing last minute, and extraordinary hunger pains. But once you’re on vacation it’s like LITERALLYYYY the best time of your life. You’re with your best friends, you’re wasted more often than you are sober, and you’re getting so fucking tan. And on top of that for an entire week you don’t have to think about school, work, your parents' bullshit, Soul Cycle, or any other daily stresses in your life. But then... you come back home. Enter PVSD: Post Vacation Stress Disorder.
PVSD is a real thing and it’s fucking serious, as it plagues a sizable percentage of betches all over the country, or at least the ones who don’t always live in a warm climate and whose parents can like, afford to send them on vaca.
This disease sets in the minute you leave your friends at the airport. You say your goodbyes and you hug, even though you’re prob going to see them like tomorrow, but you all know deep down it’s just not going to be the same. A black cloud of depression hovers over your head as you wait for your car service. You realize it’s prob just actual fog, but that depresses you even more because it’s fucking cold. Where’s the goddamn car, I need to put up pics!
Little to No Brain Function: Since you spent the last 7 days ingesting gallons of alcohol and pounds of various drugs like each day was your last on earth, your body doesn’t feel quite the same when you stop doing so.
Trouble concentrating during conversations, lack of awareness of people around you, unable to process own thoughts. If it feels like you’re wearing a giant pair of dirty contacts over your brain, then you def just went on an amazing vacation.
Not conducive to doing things like: work, thinking, crossing streets, being mindful of your general safety
Temporary Emphysema: Nooo you’re totally not a smoker. But the combination of drunk smoking, blazing, and screaming We Can’t Stop and Sweet Caroline every single night leaves you wheezing like you’ve got the black lung, pop.
Tan Depression Dilemma: The knowledge of the fact that your skin is only going to get paler and paler by the day is so unsettling it actually makes you sad, uncomfortable, and maybe even nauseous at times. You debate going tanning to set that shit in but remember that’s really bad for you and not to worry because you’re still really tan and look like really good in light shit. Three days later, you seriously think about it again. No no you can’t. But like, can you?
Inability to Stop Looking at Your Tagged Pics and Instagrams: You’ve seen these pictures probably 600 times and you’ve stared at them for more than 4 hours, excluding the amount of time you stared at them when you were editing them. You’re completely aware that it's a sick addiction but it doesn’t stop you from taking an “accidental” 2 hour break from work to review all of your friends vaca albums, and instas, as well as yours, and anyone geotagged at your hotel.
Unpacking: You just don't.
At first it’s important to give into your vaca denial because everyone is in the same boat (yacht?) as you. Eventually it will dwindle and you will re enter society as the person you once were, until the next vacation, or until you mature and realize your body can no longer handle binge drinking like you’re Lindsay Lohan during bathroom break at AA.
Look over your Facebook pictures over and over again: Like we said, it’s an addiction. But this is part of the healing process. You’ll eventually get bored / realize the pics aren’t going to change / someone will put up new pics and you’ll have something new to look at.
Make a group chat / constantly text your friends inside jokes: After spending a shit ton of time with your friends your bound to have a lot of inside jokes and it’s pertinent to constantly text about them, caption new instagrams with them, and talk about them with people who were not on vacation with you. Eventually these inside joke will wither away into a one word hashtag used to name a group chat or be randomly placed in emails for comedic effect.
Admire your tan: Even though you know it’s disappearing, keep staring at it. YOTO. Run to your nail place and get a light manicure. Wear white. Even though it’s probably fucking cold and you have to wear like, pants and long sleeves and must cover up your hurt-like-a-bitch-at-on-time-but-now-beautifully bronzed skin. You look hot.
Lotion the fuck up: Use like a bottle a day, this will maintain said tan.
Look on the bright side: You don’t have to wear makeup for a whileish. Unfortunately, this is the only thing on the bright side. And that’s why PVSD is very, very real.