Last night was what felt like the 95th Republican presidential debate this year, but you probably didn’t know that because it was on Fox Business which is the channel your dad only flips to when he doesn’t want to get caught beating his meat. It was full of all the dumb you might expect: Trump saying horrendous things, followed by nearly-sensible things that suggest he doesn’t have the energy to keep up the act. Ted Cruz mugging at the camera like he’s Will Ferrell playing George W Bush. Carly Fiorina touting her business record despite being a very bad business person. Ben Carson occasionally opening his mouth to let the locusts that breed there escape. But for me the highlight of the night was when they got to arguing over what they would do if banks closed (go to the ATM, duh):
Throughout the whole thing, they’re arguing that while they’d like to let these eeeeeevillll big banks fold, something would have to be done because they wouldn’t want hard working Americans to lose their life savings. I don’t want that either, so it’s a good thing that wouldn’t happen. I worked at a shitty retail bank (the kind where you open checking accounts) after college, and even I know about a little something called the Federal Deposit Insurance Commission (FDIC), which insures bank accounts up to $250k. It was created in the 1930s after the Great Depression, which you'd think the people on stage would know. But who needs basic economic knowledge when you’re campaigning to run the world’s largest economy, amirite?
Here’s the rest of the shit going on in the world today:
The New York Times Fact Checked Some Statements From Last Night’s Debate (New York Times)
Spoiler alert - a lot of bullshit was said by bullshitters.
New York State Tells Daily Fantasy Football Sites To Fuck Off (NBC News)
If you’re lucky, maybe your boyfriend can get back some of the money he lost on DraftKings and buy you something decent for Christmas for a change.
T-Mobile Will Let You Stream Shit For Free, But That Might Be A Bad Thing (The Verge)
This momentous decision affects literally dozens of T-Mobile customers.
Shit Continues To Be Very Real At Mizzou After Guy Makes Threats Over Social Media (USA Today)
Threatening to shoot black people is pretty much the definition of having no chill (and racism).
The iPad Pro Came Out Today, And The Critics Are All ‘Meh’ (Macworld)
Imagine that, turning a fine tablet into a shitty laptop was a questionable idea.
The Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show Was Last Night (Los Angeles Times)
By the time it actually airs, the pics will have been on the web for so long that no one will give a shit.