Real World Roundup: 50 Shades of Chelsea Handler

By The Betches

Adele might be opening a plus sized Burberry collection. We’re not sure how we feel about this as we love Adele but generally hate all things plus sized. Our fear is the brand will not be associated with fatties and we’ll have to buy our raincoats somewhere else. Charles River just isn’t going to cut it being that they’re fugly and my lesbian gym teacher owns one. Read article >>

Here's why that asshole won't call you back. This study by the University of Wisconsin says that baby boys who use pacifiers extensively become more distant and colder and generally more douchey. So when Matt won’t call you back it’s not because he hates you (well he probably does) but it’s also because his mom stuck a pacifier in his mouth so she wouldn’t have to deal with his bullshit. Remember girls, to ensure your son is the SAB who will make hundreds of girls cry, put a tiny piece of rubber in his mouth every time he cries himself. Read article >>

In an attempt to not be upstaged by wannabe fuck up Amanda Bynes, Lindsay Lohan hit a guy with her Porsche last night and then left the scene of the crime. She was then arrested. I mean hey, at this point it’s just another rainy Tuesday night in New York for Lindsay who seems to include a DUI or hit and run in her nightly itinerary. It’s like she hands out laid out plans to her staff, “So we’ll hit up the Dream Hotel at around 1 and then let’s just find some guy to play bumper cars with my car with then arrested by 5 am. Everyone set!?” Read article >>

Now for some legitimately exciting news, Chelsea Handler is writing a parody of 50 Shades of Grey called 50 Shades of Chartreuse: This Time It’s Personal. The book will be out next October and sounds like My Horizontal Life only funnier because it’s making fun of 50 Shades. We hope Chelsea stars as Ana and Chuy is Christian Grey. Who knows, maybe we’ll luck out and they’ll be asked to star in the movie. We think Chuy definitely has the charm, intelligence, and hotness to exemplify him. Read article >>




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