Real World Roundup: A Shot of Semen a Day Keeps the Doctor Away

By The Betches


Despite the TomKat divorce being extremely high profile there are very few details about the actual settlement. We have no doubt this is a result of Katie's confidentiality contract she was forced to sign to keep Tom's psychotic tendencies on the DL, probably under penalty of death by Scientological waterboarding. Aside from the erratic behavior we've witnessed by Tom we're now 100% sure he's certifiable after learning that Katie used a secret throw-away phone to contact divorce lawyers. She also contacted several different lawyers, just in case Tom hired someone to off them (...maybe, but like, definitely). Read article>>

While KT Homes is enjoying her freedom Sofia Vergara is potentially getting tied down to her boyfriend Nick Loeb, with whom she'll probably want to start her own modern family, but now she can stop reliving the ballad I'm In Love With a Man Nearly Twice My Age. Except we're not actually sure that they're engaged, there are conflicting reports. The one thing we have to say about this Nick Loeb is that his face can only be described as long. Read article>>

Everyone's favorite stripper sport, pole dancing, may very well become an Olympic event one day. So yes that means that the stripper you saw performing in Vegas last weekend may one day end up with an Olympic medal collection to rival athletes of all levels, from Michelle Kwan to Michael Phelps to Bruce Jenner. This article says that even kids are starting to take pole dancing. We totally see where this is going. Just like every restaurant in NYC and LA is staffed by aspiring/failed actors, soon Hooters will have a new, extremely acrobatic applicant pool. Read article>>

For all the betches who forgot to take their birth control, if you're experiencing morning sickness, the only cure is more blow jobs. Evidently some scientists argue that semen makes morning sickness go away and here's how they explain: at first a pregnant woman's body will reject her fetus as a "foreign object" so the only way to make it seem "not foreign" is to feed your body some of the fetus' DNA via blowing your husband. Somebody tell Adele! Read article>>




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