Real World Roundup: BJ Novak is done working at The Office

By The Betches

Ryan from the Office says he will not be returning. It's speculated that he will be joining the indian in the cupboard on Kelly Kapoor's new show, The Mindy Project. Clearly Ry Ry is an uber betch, learning to fuck his way to to the top for better roles. But seriously, good for him. The Office pretty much sucks now anyway now that Jim and Pam went from being in excessive, dramatic love triangles to being complete UGHs. Snooze fest. Time to follow Steve Carell into the depths of the silver screen or continue to fake date Kel into retirement gold. We're sure your absence will be noticed. The Office, like most bro things will always miss a good BJ. Read article>> 

Some court in Western Germany is trying to outlaw religious circumcision. Seriously Germany, again? First the Holocaust and now you're mandating all the Jews keep their foreskin? Talk about discrimination. Are you going to have checkpoints where everyone has to drop their pants to make sure they're not cut? And in Western Germany nonetheless? Aren't you guys supposed to be like, sort of like America? Is this part of your do whatever it takes, increase as much of your nationwide foreskin so long as you can make a name for yourself as a major world power no matter how many people you leave dead and bloodied along the way so long as you can make a name for yourself as a major world power? Read article>>

Sookie is knocked up with vampire twins. We're not sure if this is an effort for Vampire Bill to get more of his offspring to feed off Sook. There must be something in the True Blood water since Sam Merlotte already had twins back in August. Clearly there's a lot of sex and fertility going on on that set. Whatevs, time for Meekus/Erik to make some enormous twin babies of his own. Read article>>

Lollipop bra out, movie reel bra in. Former Betch of the Week Katy Perry debuts her 'reel bra' in her new 3D documentary, Part of Me. It says a lot that this is among the most exciting news we could uncover for today. Read article>>

This man's putty penis was cured by his wife's breast milk. Alicia Silverstone was said to be overseeing this cure. Turns out you don't even need to stop doing coke and drinking whiskey. All you need to do is scope out a knocked up woman and have a 'drink' or two before getting down. Who says you can't go out drinking with your baby? Read article>>




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