Real World Roundup: Chris Brown Addicted To Beating The Shit Out Of People

By The Betches

Barbara Walters has proved that it doesn't matter if you're a celebrity or if you're old as fuck, you too can still suffer from the Chicken Pox. Now, we definitely feel sorry for Babs as the chicken pox sucks, but at least she gets off from work. Most kids just can't go outside and play. And sorry for this but we had to, what happens to a chicken poxed face that is already tightened and lifted from botox and a face lift, respectively? Read article>>

Ashton Kutcher has been hospitalized after following Steve Jobs' fruitarian diet in order to play him in an upcoming movie. The fruitarian diet consists of only eating fruit, nuts, and seeds so it's sort of like pretending you're lost in the fucking jungle. Note to Ashton: just because you're playing Steve-o and want to be really #5 skinny that doesn't mean you actually have to do all the shit he did. It's called acting for a reason. Also, Business Insider says The actor said that he felt close to the Apple founder as they shared a fascination for "tech space." Ashton, what the fuck do you mean by that? I doubt your affinity toward Nikon COOLPIX is really in line with having invented the iPad. Dream on, fruit boy. Read article>>

Chris Brown allegedly attacked Frank Ocean over a parking spot in LA last weekend. Frank Ocean, who is also nominated for mad Grammy's also has ghost written songs for Justin Bieber and Brandy. Oh, and did we mention that he's like the first gay hip hop artist that's out? Anyway, Chris Brown, who clearly has no anger problems at all despite having previously gotten into fist fights with Rihanna and Drake, can now polish his resume by saying he physically assaulted pretty much every single American minority. First the blacks then the Jews and now the gays. Way to go Chris, you're giving Mel Gibson a run for his money. Read article>>

Kate Middleton was spotted shopping for jeggings at the Gap. What the fuck Kate Middleton. You're going to be Queen one day! At least go to fucking Banana Republic if you're trying to fit in with the commoners. Sorry but the role of People's Princess has already been filled. You could try Sears. Read article>>





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