Real World Roundup: Co-founder of Crocs claims Taylor Swift is His Girlfriend

By The Betches

Sir Elton John gets fucked up on a boat and moons Michael Caine's neighboring boat members. Looks like this queen of pop is enjoying the end of summer on what looks to be a very gay personal cruise of sorts. I mean it makes sense. Elton needs a break from #1 talking shit about Madonna and taking off his clothes seems like a great way to ease his boredom. Read article >>

Webster has added 100 new words to next year's dictionary including "f-bomb, sexting, and man cave." Can we call out the awkward elephant in the room? Why the fuck has the word "betch" not been added yet? Like, how many pictures do people have to send us of their awkward attempts to play betch in Words with Friends before someone starts a petition to Merriam-Webster? Then again, there's no way the CEO of a dictionary company isn't a nicegirl. Time for a betch revolution. Read article >>

The co-founder of Crocs, an excellent and stylish footwear company has been arrested for driving under the influence. As if this wasn't interesting enough, George Boedecker claims his 'girlfriend Taylor Swift' who is 'a really fucking famous singer' was actually at the wheel and had fled to Nashville. Looks like there's something in the rubber at Crocs headquarters but this story just goes to show that all things crocs related are fucking weird. We can't wait for Taylor to release a statement saying that she couldn't have possibly been driving since she was too busy stalking out Connor Kennedy's grandma's house, where she recently bought a home across the street. We can't wait for "Dear George" Tay's new song about her love affair with a man who made ugly shoes.  Read article >>

Scientists are working to develop vaccines against drug addictions like cocaine, nicotine, heroine, and oxy. The vaccines would make it so that, for example, someone who doing endless lines at a club would, after getting this vaccine, feel absolutely nothing after taking the drug. This is actually a pretty cool concept but we wonder, where will we go to meet celebs if none of them are in expensive rehabs with us!? What will Lindsay Lohan do with all her free time!? Save the rehab industry! Can't wait for Promises lobby against science. Read article >>

After noting how large Mae Mobley in "The Help" was, the CDC names Mississippi as the 'most obese state.' I guess that means that's where you should go if you want to look like the skinniest betch in group photos. With 35% of it's citizens being obese, it's clear some people need to do some more water aerobics in the Mississippi River. That will be our last ignorant statement of the day (maybe). Read article >>




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