July 12, 2012
In the above video you can actually hear what Justin Bieber sounds like on the phone with police trying to talk his way out of a speeding ticket. This bro's gotten out of many, so take a hint. Do you know who I am!? The 911 woman had no idea what he was talking about when he said he was driving a Fisker, what a povo! But more importantly, look at the image CNN uses for Bieber next to the transcript of the call. He looks like a lesbian from the 80s or a white Bruno Mars but mostly like Jef.
Miley Cyrus, modern-day philosophical wunderkind, has gotten tattoo number 15. When you have more tattoos than Lena Dunham and like, possibly Dennis Rodman, you know you're in dangerous territory. But the big LOL is that she decided to get a tattoo of a quote by Teddy Roosevelt. "So that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who knew neither victory nor defeat." Really Miley, we know you probably felt really inspired after seeing Ted, but stick to tweeting Bob Marley songs. Read article>>
Vera Wang, the bridal connoisseur that launched 1000 bridezillas into psychotic meltdowns over like, fucking bustier fabric, is reportedly splitting from her husband after 23 years. People who give a shit speculate that her recent collections of black and scarlet gowns may have been inspired by her own marital troubles. I mean, yeah that or she was over designing dresses for sluts pretending to be virginal. Read article>>
A 44-year-old serial hugger nicknamed Jack the Gripper is going around St. Louis tricking women into giving him hugs. His tactics went something like this: He'd say, 'Hi, remember me? I lived down the street in the corner house. How ya been?'" Obviously didn't remember him, but he did it so quickly and convincingly that they felt embarrassed that they didn't know him. I mean... to each their own fetish. I'd take this bro over Jerry Sandusky any day. Read article>>
Attention New Jersey: your state is about to get more disgusting, crowded, and touristy than it already is because Dreamworks is building an amusement park. Put aside the fact that we'd rather see a Pixar park any day and let's take a second to appreciate the fact that this article says Dreamworks originally wanted to build it in Dubai, but the plans fell through, so they decided to put it in the second most beautiful, luxurious locale they could think of. Read article>>