July 26, 2012
Watch this heartbroken weirdo rant about how Kristen Stewart's affair has ruined her life. "What do you stand to achieve by cheating on Robert Pattinson, WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS!?" This speaks for itself and there's nothing we can say jokingly that'll be funnier than what she says seriously.
Because America is full of toothless fucking hicks who take a movie theater shooting as the perfect reason to buy more guns, above you can take a peek at the classiest new thing you can use for killing people. Louis Vuitton has stated they have nothing to do with this gun but you'd think if they can stop Canal Street beggars from making knock-offs then they could probably do something about this. Betches are apolitical and rarely get worked up over actual issues but we're definitely for not getting shot and we're definitely fucking not for shooting people. How would you go out the next night? Read article>>
The Olympics haven't even started and already two athletes are off the Greek team, piling on the reasons we've decided to #9 nickname it Most Fucked Up Country 2012. Apparently one bro is off for failing a drug test, which is whatever, but the other story is about a triple jumper who tweeted a racist joke, causing a huge blacklash... see what we did there? That was actually just a typo that turned into a joke, but we digress. Her tweet was as follows: "With so many Africans in Greece .. At least the West Nile mosquitos .. will eat homemade food!!!" I mean, besides the fact that it took us like a full 5 minutes to fully process this tweet, West Nile is so '03. Read article>>
The Supreme Leader of North Korea Kim Jung-Un has officially tied the knot with Ri Sol-ju. And we thought he hated the Jews? Mrs. "Ri" (as they are calling her, Rihanna reportedly jealous) is speculated to be the founder of a girl band, but no one knows shit about her because they don't have fundamental things like twitter or wikipedia there. To be honest we're mostly concerned about the NY Times' glaring reporting error that they forgot to include info on the Supreme Leader's elusive concubine-filled brothel. Read article>>