Real World Roundup: Mariah Carey Goes Ape-Shit About Nicki Minaj Joining American Idol

By The Betches

Congressmen go skinny dipping in Israel, everyone freaks the fuck out. So apparently on birthright a lobbying trip to Israel, a few congressmen got drunk and went skinny dipping in the Sea of Galilee. Supposedly, the fact that this is the sea where Jesus walked on water is the reason there's now an actual FBI investigation into it. Why this is the FBI's primary concern when Tupac's killer is still at large is beyond me. Seriously though, wouldn't Jesus want the FBI to turn the other (bare ass) cheek? What are they going to investigate? The size of the congressional dicks as they hit the cold sea water? Take a Xanax, congressional leaders, haven't you ever been to sleepaway camp? Read article >>

Since this is clearly a slow news week, this week we're reporting that last week Rosie O'Donnell had a heart attack after helping an obese woman out of her car. She took some Bayer aspirin and went to the doctor the next day where she was rushed to the hospital. Even as I type this even I don't really give a shit but there are two lessons we can learn from this story. 1) Rosie O'Donnell is too fat and should lose weight so she doesn't die. Surprise surprise.  2) Never help someone do anything. No good deed goes unpunished. Read article >>

A mom from Toddler's and Tiara's may lose custody of her 4 year old daughter because she stuffed her bras and gave her ass padding for a pageant in an effort to make her look like Dolly Parton. If you've ever seen this show or it's spin off, "Here comes Honey Boo Boo" you understand the kicks that fat moms get from dressing their daughters up like huge whores before they've turned six years old. Maddy Verst's father wants custody after seeing his daughter whored out on TLC and People magazine, looking like a four year old hooker. Even though her dad is also a convicted felon, we agree she'd probably be better off with him and someone should rescue her before she starts giving blow jobs at ten years old. Read article >>

Mariah Carey is having a shit fit at the possibility that Nicki Minaj might be the third judge on American Idol. Never one to want to share the spotlight, Mariah is going apeshit that there might be two women, lowering her chances of blowing the third, male judge who could be anyone from Randy Jackson to Keith Urban. With all this drama surrounding American Idol, we had to ask. This fucking show is still on? Like, really? Who even won the last season? Are the people who win, like, even famous? Also, let's call a spade a spade. Mariah's just freaking out because Nicki is younger and hotter than her. She might as well be breastfeeding at the judging booth. Read article >>




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