Real World Roundup: Weed is the New Kalteen Bar

By The Betches

Mazel of the day goes to Lil Wayne's mom, who's a newlywed. Here's Weezy walking her down the aisle, looking like he could very well be marrying her himself. Notice the purple accents on his suit, clearly an ode to his own true love, purple drank. Read article>>

Justin Bieber and his bad ass car are apparently causing a serious rift in the law enforcement world. We heard from TMZ who heard from numerous bros in the California Highway Patrol that the conflict over whether or not to ticket Bieber for driving 80mph is deep. Questions abound over whether or not the Biebs was allowed to speed because he was being chased by the paparazzi. Put aside the fact that he's Justin Bieber and therefore probably always being chased by paparazzi, so by that standard he will never be subject to speed limits, the name Princess Diana was thrown around so you know shit's serious. We're of the opinion that all the cops wasting their time pulling over speeding pop stars in California should be transferred to Florida where there are real crimes being committed such as baby murders and humans eating humans. Read article>>

Last week it was reported that Adele is preggers, but nobody told us just how preggers! News flash: she's due in two months, which on a 9 month timeline suggests that she got fucked sometime around the Grammy's. Coincidence? Definitely fucking not. That said we feel sorry for Adele that she has to give up her drinking and smoking ways that we know she loves so dearly, and we can't wait for the baby name. We hope she goes with something trendy but British sounding like Parasol or Loo. Read article>>

Philip Seymour Hoffman has been cast in the second Hunger Games movie. We have an ironic soft spot for PSH so this is exciting news for us, however having not read the book we have no clue what part he will be playing, though unsurprisingly it is a weird name that could've been leftover from Lord of the Rings or Harry Potter or both. Read article>>

Guess what stoners, scientists have discovered 2 chemicals in marijuana that speed up your metabolism and suppress your appetite. Makes no sense, don't trust this. We told you science is out to destroy betches by fooling them into thinking their favorite drug is making them thinner and gives them permission to eat when they know deep down that smoking makes you hungry and fat. But apparently scientists think they are Cady Heron and marijuana is a Kalteen bar, it burns carbs, it just burns up all your carbs. In this analogy we are Shane Omen and telling you that Coach Carr makes us eat those when we want to move up a weight class. Read article>>




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