October 9, 2014
Red Bull advertises that it "gives you wings", but unless you have an extra chromosome or recently dropped acid you fucking know that's a slogan not reality. Well some people sued Red Bull because it turns out there isn't that much caffeine in a Red Bull. Color me shocked. This is why I always go for Starbucks, not a can of sugar.
Anyways, Red Bull now has to pay $13 million to everybody it "lied" to. Like this is the biggest joke, but also I'm taking full advantage. If you drank a Red Bull in the past 12 years - read: if you haven't been living under a rock in the Middle Ages - you get $10 cash or $15 worth aka 3 cans of Red Bull. So betches, sounds like the drink of the weekend is vodka Red Bulls. Just make sure you drink a Monster if you actually want to be awake enough to leave the pregame.