April 26, 2012
Ugh, Revenge. First we were drawn to your volatility and your fire and then we were afraid that if you burned us we would turn to ash. See what we did there? We repeated an awful quote from Revenge to mirror Emanda quoting awful quotes from irrelevant lawyers in her monologue. Apparently this is how Vic feels about her new/old boyfriend the povo painter, a bro who was clearly cast during the hiatus even though they try to act like he's casually always been around. Honestly, this painting plot is TOO MUCH. There's no way Victoria would inspire anyone to paint. Like suddenly this is the only man you’ve ever loved!
And what about this ridiculous trial? We swear during the first 5 minutes of the show we thought plot of Runaway Jury was about to transpire. This show is so good sometimes yet other times gets dangerously close to unwatchable territory. It's like, how can something so dramatic be so boring??
Also, when did it become winter? Why are they in the Hamptons in the winter? We must've missed the Thanksgiving episode. We wouldn't know this if not for the weathervane that is Nolan's gay clothing.
And a word about Jack, it's like who gives a fuck.
Victoria always gets to sit in that armchair with all that shit written on it. Do you think when the lawyer calls these family meetings she's like, SHOT CHAIR!
Bitter is not a good look for Daniel. Neither is his lack of tan.
Let's talk about the whale cam. It sounds like something you use to spot fatties on the beach but we're glad it can double here. Anyway, how often does "did you bring the whale cam" come up in conversation? Really though the whale cam is everywhere, it's a bigger slut than fake Amanda Clarke.
Daniel really shouldn’t be drinking while sitting on a balcony ledge. Then again, this is the same bro who thought he nailed a 10 million dollar Japanese investment deal after 5 minutes of schmoozing at Benihana about Disneyworld Tokyo .
When did this show become The Sopranos? “Hung jury or your kid won’t get to see the first grade.” Shit does not work this way, you’re a socialite Victoria not fucking Salvatore 'Big Pussy' Bonpensiero.
Emanda totally faked us out when she was looking at the picture of Lee and Vic, we swear we thought red sharpie was gonna make an appearance. What a tease.
Charlotte don't you know that EVW bats for the other team? Your seductive charms will not make him hard let alone convince him to throw a whole murder case. Like you think you can put on your Leger and pop a perc and make everything okay!? I guess maybe on a show where one of the characters is fucking named Declan.
Seriously, Charlotte? Bribing the housekeeper? Fooking for oxy? Are you Serena in The Town?
...But her boyfriend Declan's never done drugs in his life? Even the prosecutor was like, fucking loser.
"Charlotte's a good person!!" ...What is this, Judge Joe Brown? Declan you're such a J. Why would anyone give a shit during a murder trial whether the sister of the alleged murder was a nice girl?
"THE GRAYSONS MURDERED MY FATHER" ::crazy eyes::
So the Graysons set that guy up to make it look like a sui! How does this rando Hamptons family who chills there during the winter have people "on the inside." It's as believable as the whale cam not running out of battery yet.
Cause you don't wanna miss a thing