Revenge Recap: It Don't Matter If You're Black or White Haired Man

By The Betches

Two big things came out of last night's Revenge and all of them have to do with #53 shady bros, and no we don't mean the played-by-a-new-actor-every-week Miyagi. Surprise surprise, we love the British guy. He and his accent are sexy as fuck and we're happy to celebrate any male on this show whose last name isn't Povo Porter.

Though he may have passed, we're sure the White Haired Man will live on in both spirit and flashback. Finding out his real name was Gordon was more highly anticipated than the reveal of Big's real name. It was interesting how Emanda can find information on how to forge paternity test results but she just can't figure out the name of a white haired guy who tried to kill her whole family.

But we digress...he was fooking Mandy's mom! Only we're not at all shocked, because this wouldn't be an ABC show if every character isn't going to fuck at some point.

Call Outs

The Graysons can see that Emanda is cleaning from their balcony but not that a guy just shot the White Haired Man in the middle of the living room? Typical.

Vic is an ice queen, she invites Emanda over only to permanently kick her out. "Stay away permanently, I'll have security show you home." ...like okay Vic, this girl has figured out how to strategically destroy your entire family, you think she can't walk next door?

Why you have to go and make things so complicated Nolan, just tell the Indian girl you’re Mandy's GBFF.

Whenever there's a problem Victoria's go-to solution is to lock people inside her house.

Is Ashley a detective or a script writer for Law & Order that she’s handing out back stories for the cops like they’re fucking syllabi for 11th grade English.

Ugh fake Amanda, get a smaller role. And stomach.

LOL Moments

Emanda is so fucking crazy. Really, beating the shit out of the guy who saves your life? She’s like, that’s how much I need your fucking rescuing like I'm Rapunzel waiting for someone to climb up my big red sharpie.

juice cleanse"What did I tell you about bringing regular coke into my house?"

Declan is now robbing homes in the Hamptons? Really lobster boy? You think this is a good idea?

Nolan looks like he took self defense with Gracie Lou Freebush. Just remember to SING Nolan!

It was so funny when Daniel tried to tell Conrad his mom’s kidnapping was fake. He’s like, yeah no shit idiot. Daniel is so the guy who was shocked when Anderson Cooper came out.

Charlotte is ridiculous. DAVID CLARKE IS MY FATHER! I JUST LOOKED UP THE DEFINITION OF LIBEL!!

Season 2, episode 2 recap>>




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