Revenge Recap: Love Means Never Having to Say WTF I paid 1 million dollars for bad wine

By The Betches

January 14, 2013

So I'd like to start off by saying that I surprisingly loved Emanda's beginning monologue. It was basically Emanda talking about how sometimes you make plans, and you really try to keep them and you know, sometimes they don't work out, because you're like really busy.

But in all seriousness the episode featured an overdose of our least favorite added-in-second-season characters. Like seriously ABC, stop trying to make Helen Crowley happen...and Marco...and the Porters. And the fact that we learned that Aidan's sister who is weirdly named "Colleen" may still be alive was as interesting to us as the fiscal cliff.

revenge"Show me your boobs!"

This episode revolved around Emanda's children's charity, which helps foster kids learn how to read good and do other good stuff too. Emanda plans the nicest events for someonewho never actually does any work on events that I've ever seen.

And finally, I couldn't help but wonder with all these fake charity events, kidnappings, and spying, wouldn't Emanda's life be much easier if she cut all this revenge shit and just took like a meditation seminar, went to a therapist, and obtained a mild to moderate addiction to Xanax?

Call Outs

Ah the guy from Nip/Tuck. He's alright but I'd rather see Christian Troy. "The rivalry between my dad and Jason Prosser is legendary"...hmm never heard of it.

I don't get these pow wows between Victoria and Emanda. It's like one minute Vic is like "Emily please stay off my property and away from my family" and the next minute she's like "Can I bring my BFF Jason to your charity event? I'm trying to hooks and I think this would be a great place to get drunk before."

Is no one concerned about like, where the fuck Charlotte is?

This weird fucking Nolan love triangle has G2G. It's about as realistic as Nolan running a multi-millionaire corporation in between rounds of Tetris.

This Ryan brothers thing is so weird it's like how many people are there in the Hamptons who have vendettas over random heists and shootings and plane crashes that happened a million years ago?

How many people have cameras installed inside the Grayson house and offices? This place has shittier security than an East Village walk-up.

Conrad's going to run for political office? But literally 3 months ago he was almost going on trial? Whatevs, I guess if the plot fits, wear it on your gay-looking short sleeved polos, Connie.

Ugh why is Ashley still here hasn't this bitch's contract ended yet?

Oh I should have guessed it was an elaborate fake shoot out planned by Emanda and her gay sidekick and British boyfriend!

Whoa, an elevator gas chamber? Too soon Revenge, too soon.

Daniel reminds me that I wouldn't mind if my boyfriend were borderline special needs if he presented me with a million dollar nightcap.

LOL Moments

On the Chinese food/Helen Crowley Call: Helen had survived her first three way calling attack.

"Daddy could you please do me a favor and save my half sister who's the daughter of the man who our mom cheated on you with?" I see idiocy runs in the family.

Helen Crowley: "This time next quarter this company is poised to triple it's revenues. Why else would I recommend you acquire it." Daniel is like what? What's a quarter? What does poised mean?

1 million dollars for a bottle of wine. I'll show you, dad!

"I realize I was never really qualified to be your CFO...but can I come back now?"...Nolan, stop hiring your CFOs based on who you're fucking.

ANOTHER torture scene? This time it's being conducted by Bane from the Batman series.

Ugh Padma is just like an Indian Lea Michele GTFO

Marco vs Padma, Battle of the Darkies!

Nolan: Padma I'd really love to talk about this more but I'm kind of in middle of setting the ambiance of this party with my iPad, so ttyl.

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