Revenge Recap: I'm On A Boat

By The Betches

Last night's episode of Revenge was probably one of the funniest in a really long time. So many things happened! So many movies were unintentionally referenced! Someone finally gave a fuck about Charlotte! So I think we should start off this recap by discussing how, even for a show that tries to pass off Nolan as straight, absurdly unrealistic this episode was. Like, we get it, Nolan is a hacker, but there is about a 0 percent chance he could ever hack into a laptop's webcam…that was in the middle of the ocean. Like, was there wifi? How'd he crack the password? It was definitely something really cryptic like BabyCarly4Lyfe.

So the movie references: Most obvious was Titanic. Emanda was Rose, Amanda was Jack Dawson, and Amanda's fugly juvie necklace was the heart turd of the ocean. I'll never let go Fake Amanda! I'll never let go! But unlike Rose, at least Emanda had the decency to share the fucking raft. Then throughout we had hints of Life of Pi with the raft, Se7en with the small package, Charlie's Angels with the creepy thin man aka Mr. "I've got a really bad plastic surgeon" Trask, and Forrest Gump with Amanda's death. Fake Amanda was my best good friend. And even I know that ain't somethin' you can find just around the corner. Emanda was gonna be a shrimpin' boat captain but instead, she died right there by that river in Vietnam the Hamptons.

Call Outs


"The same people who took your father kidnapped his sister?" Doesn't the Initiative have better things to do. Like what could they possibly want from Padma's father? How many idiots does it take to understand this show…

Wait so that brother was on the ship the whole time? Was he like watching them have sex? Perv alert.

If I were Jack when the brother (whose name we clearly can't remember) pulled out the gun I would have been like, a gun? That seems rash, are you THAT upset we didn't invite you?

Charlotte, how'd you get stuck with the job of editing the honeymoon pictures? Now that you're a Clarke do you find it necessary to take the role of the help?

Like we said before, there is no way Nolan could have hacked into the laptop. There is also no way they would have known that Jack was on the raft. There is also no way they would have found him in the ocean…in the dark…in a small raft…that is black.

Why is everyone so obsessed with Jack? He like doesn’t actually do anything funny or interesting for anyone.

LOL Moments

"I'm just a poor boy nobody loves me" - Declan

Nolan's sweater vest and short sleeved button down - if he was at a playground instead of a bar, he'd be immediately arrested.

"Can you hear me now? Good"

"Sorry mom, I'm a nanny now" - Charlotte

The ultimate LOL moment: Emanda zooming in on the picture of the boat with the brother-guy peering out of the window like fucking Anne Frank.

Ugh finally someone shoots Jack Porter. They just beat me to it.

Ok Fake Amanda, since when is letting your fatally wounded husband float off into the ocean alone considered saving him? Like, you could have easily gone on the raft with him AmanDUH.

Jack suffering in the little raft:

Are they sinking the Amanda? Because that would be a great metaphor for this show.

Why would this dude kill himself, that seems unnecessary.

If I were Emanda I'd be like, how the fuck am I gonna get home?

Ah Emanda cries for the second time all series. It's prob because she's cold.




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