Revenge Recap: The Files Are IN The Computer

By The Betches

Every time I sit down to watch Revenge I have a set routine. First, I think to myself "what's going on?" and "where did I put my bowl?" Then, I google how many more episodes are left in the season only to be disappointed that the episode that is on isn't the season finale. However, last night was slightly different because the Wikipedia list of revenge episodes kindly informed me that last night's episode was directed by Helen Hunt. Now we beg to wonder, why the FUCK would Helen Hunt ever get herself involved in something like this? A directorial debut on the third to last episode of the second season of Revenge? Talk about not knowing What Women Want.  Did she have a brain transplant or something? That type of crazy is on par with spontaneously shaving your head or like, wearing H&M to the Oscars.

But anyway, despite being directed by the great and completely random Helen Hunt, last night's episode was exactly the same as all other episodes: confusing and stupid as fuck. Like, how did Emanda get home from that raft? Are we just not going to address that? Also, I'm just going to put it out there that if I were in a deep state of depression, I STILL wouldn't cry more than Jack Porter. He's like the Kyle Richards of Revenge, sobbing all the fucking time. Or maybe he's the Tara Thornton, his life just fucking sucks.

However we did notice that Go Quest Go was back….ready to take the Bing challenge.

Call Outs

We may have said this before but Trask or whatever his name is looks a lot like the creepy thin man from Charlie's Angels.

This line was actually said in this show:

Nolan: Just to recap: Amanda's dead, Jack has been shot, Padma's father has been kidnapped and the only way to keep them from being killed outright is to hand over a potentially lethal computer program that only I can complete?

I just don't get what Daniel thinks his role is in all of this? He's like the fat kid your mom roots for on the soccer team because at least he's trying.

Every time Ashley says "gubernatorial run" I giggle a little. But remind me again how Ashley still has a job at Grayson manor after everyone acknowledges that she's slept with both Conrad, Daniel, and the late, gay, Tyler?

Why do so many people get kidnapped in the Hamptons? They make it out to be like Bahrain or something.

So has Charlotte officially dropped out of high school yet? Bitch has no friends.

On Padma and her kidnapped dad: Who leaves like threats on voicemail? And who plays those threats on speaker?

So like, does anyone actually ever work at the Stowaway?

LOL Moments

Aidan: "Emily's need for revenge and red velvet non-fat fro yo is all she has left in this world."

That time that Charlotte said "grandma Grayson's funeral."

Did Charlotte just google search, sorry - go quest go, Amanda Clarke and the first thing that came up was a picture from like, the Foster Home Daily News?

Charlotte gets an IM on a messaging device called  from an "Eli James" asking if she's still looking for Amanda Clarkes foster bro and if she has yesterday's earth science notes.

I would die if when Daniel hung up the phone he said: GRAYSON OUT.

Emanda is a great eugoogalizer.

Imagine if all that Jack found in that marina gym bag were old socks and a sweaty sports bra?

Emanda to Nolan: "Back to basics. No more distractions. Bring me the adderall."




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