In this week’s thrilling peak into the life of Rob & Chyna, the loving couple make a trip to DC, the Kardashians we actually care about get cameos, and Rob learns what a fruit salad is.
Most importantly, we get to finally meet some of Chyna’s family and MAN do things start to make a lot more sense Re: Chyna’s preferred method of confrontation.
Chyna’s mom is named Tokyo Toni and I am already over this episode. Chyna describes her as the realest person she knows. This doesn’t seem like much of a competition as Chyna lives in LA and spends most of her time hanging out with the Kardashians.
Tokyo Toni wants Rob and Chyna to come up to visit her in DC for the 4th of July so Rob can experience his first real block party. Chyna knows that Rob would hate every part of this, so she’s probably going to make him do it.
True love: checking in on your boyfriend’s Postmates orders to make sure he isn’t cheating on his diet. How sad do you have to be to order a Kit Kat on Postmates? That’s a level of self-deprecation that I have yet to even reach.
Chyna tells Rob that she got a call from Kim and Khloé inviting her to Khloé’s birthday party. He had already known about the party but hadn’t told her because he didn’t want to go. Shocker. Something like Khloé’s birthday party would be high profile, aka Rob’s worst nightmare. To be fair, any party where I might have to stand next to Kendall Jenner in a photo would be my worst nightmare as well.
They decide to go to the party together and no one even screamed in a car or threw bouquets of flowers into the pool to get to that decision. Progress.
Chyna: Wow that was a healthy discussion that we handled like adults.
Chyna: So anyways let’s discuss my mom next.
The second Chyna brings up the 4h of July Rob just straight-up bails. Like, leaves her home. You can only handle so many serious conversations in a day before you have to Postmates some Kit Kats, I suppose.
While getting ready for Khloé’s party, Rob has a meltdown about his outfit and tries to get out of going. Let she who hasn’t tried to cancel plans over a wardrobe malfunction throw the first stone. On the way to the party Rob casually drops that his diabetes may be acting up again. The last time this happened was because he went cold turkey on his insulin and had to spend some time in the ICU. Someone please explain to this grown adult that insulin isn’t a Flinstones gummy vitamin that you can pop as you please.
Khloé’s birthday is at Dave & Buster’s, which leads me to believe that it might actually be her bat mitzvah. If anyone decided to throw a mid-life coming of age ceremony for a religion they don’t even follow, it would be a Kardashian.
Watching Khloé and Chyna interact is like the buildup to the watering hole scene in Mean Girls, and tbh I don’t even know who would come out on top in that battle. Part of me wants to think that being pregnant would slow Chyna down, but even a blind Chyna at half-speed would be more capable of taking someone out than me at peak fitness.
Rob stays for an hour to take photos before heading home. Weird, none of those seemed to make it to Instagram.
Chyna throws a BBQ after Khloé’s to try and keep Rob from reverting back to mole man mode. She invites Scott, who proceeds to provide all the entertainment by talking about coke and Chyna’s dad’s dick. Scott is that guy that you bring to any event you’re nervous about attending, because no matter the environment he will retain his outrageous, semi-drunk attitude.
Rob begrudgingly agrees to go to DC with Chyna and she starts the trip off with a tour of her childhood haunts. She stops to take some photos with fans outside her old home and Rob instantly shuts down.
Rob: I’m really nervous about this family dinner, hopefully it goes smoothly.
Chyna: Oh cool I invited my estranged parents who haven’t spoken to in ten YEARS.
She also invited three of her half-siblings, none of who have met her mother. Tokyo Toni doesn’t seem like the kind of woman you want to ambush with these things, which means that the producers 100% sent out the invites and told Chyna to play along.
Tokyo Toni shows up in what looks like a Japanese costume with chopsticks sticking out of her hair, because no one is brave enough to explain cultural appropriation to her.
They are, however, brave enough to tell her that Chyna is essentially the same age as two of her siblings, meaning her dad was cheating on Toni. This revelation doesn’t go over well.
Rob: I’m so glad that Chyna’s family is unstable, it’s really taking the spotlight off me.
Toni fondly tells the story of the first time she saw Chyna dancing at the club, as if it was her first high school dance or something. This leads to the family plus Chyna’s entourage heading to Synsaysionals, Chyna’s first club. She describes it as a little bit ratchet, so you know Rob is going to pass out about 30 seconds in.
The trip to DC is clearly working out for Rob. He’s less anxious, more confident in public, and even stops for a few photos with fans. Say what you will about their relationship, but Chyna is obviously making progress here.
New drama: Treasure, Chyna’s oldest friend, and Paige, Chyna’s current best friend, very clearly hate each other. Treasure doesn’t trust Paige (real name Mika) because she met Chyna after she was famous. The shade is unreal. The entire crew is all out together bowling and Treasure won’t even call her Paige because it’s her LA name, which is a little hypocritical because…. you know… Blac Chyna is for sure birth given.
Paige leaves the bowling party early because Treasure isn’t even attempting to hide her animosity. Chyna meets her back at the hotel and tells her to work it out or else. I’m firmly Team Paige on this one, because Treasure scares the shit out of me. By the time the 4th of July party comes around they still haven’t worked out their issues, so Chyna pulls them both aside and makes them hash shit out in front of her. This mom tactic 101 makes me thing Chyna is going to be a pretty solid mom. Honestly, I’m glad that I suffered through the first two boring episodes of this show to get to this confrontation.
Treasure, in front of a crew of lights and TV cameras: I’m just worried that Paige is using Chyna for her fame.
Tokyo Toni pulls Rob and Chyna aside and drops some real truths. The problems Rob and Chyna have don’t even compare to the shit that Toni went through: a poor 16-year-old girl with a baby, figuring shit out on her own. She doesn’t go so far as to call Rob a spoiled bitch, but the implication is there. Will this extremely emotion and alcohol-fueled advice change Rob’s perspective on life? Probably not.
2600 miles away, Kris wakes up in a cold sweat with the vaguely threatening sense that someone is trying to mother her son. She remembers his failed sock line and rolls over to go back to sleep.