April 2, 2015
Robert Pattinson and FKA Twigs (aka not Kristen Stewart) are apparently engaged - RIP Twilight fans. RPatz and FKA started dating six months ago are apparently really compatible because they're both into music. K. There's really not much else to say about their relationship because Rob hasn't been in a movie in for-fucking-ever and FKA is famous because her entire career is making music for sex playlists.
But all the Rob-Sten fans are losing their shit. Seriously, the Twihards haven't been this upset since they saw Bella's wig in Twilight. Most of them still aren't over Kristen cheating on Rob with her fugly Snow White director - if you ever need a pick me up, watch the YouTube reaction videos. Also, tbt to when Robert Pattinson was considered a teen heartthrob. Like homeboy is cute and could definitely be a male model, but he's about one beanie away from being your dealer.
Anyway, the best part about all of this is that T-Pain was the one to tell everybody. He was giving an interview about working with FKA Twigs when he said, "She's on tour so much, and anytime I call her, she's in a different place. And she's engaged now, so that's about to be a whole other thing...to ol' Patty." I don't know if she wanted anybody to know that..." Oops. Besides T-Pain fucking up massively, his nickname for Rob is "ol' Patty" which is the most disgusting thing I've ever heard. The only time that phrase should ever be said is by Paris Hilton or Nicole Richie on the episode of the Simple Life where they work in a fast food restaurant.
T-Pain then tweeted that the whole thing was an April Fool's joke. But like this is a man who rapped "She made us drinks, to drink. We drunk 'em, got drunk" so I'm calling bullshit. The whole thing basically boils down to us giving a shit about people who peaked in 2010. Congrats Rob and FKA, may god protect you from the Twihards.