July 2, 2014
Robin Thicke, the R&B crooner who doesn't NOT promote rape and doesn’t know how to rhyme with words like “hug,” is acting like a little bitch.
In case you didn’t know, Robin Thicke and his hot wife Paula Patton split in February after dating since they were like, seven years old. The couple also has a four year old child together. This split was not too long after his “Blurred Lines” performance with Miley Cyrus that was a complete train wreck. Oh, and shortly after there was pictures of him cheating on Patton with a drunk blonde girl.
Since the split, Robin has been acting like a virgin who can’t drive and has been WHINING ALL THE FUCKING TIME. He’s constantly trying to woo back his ex, who is so DGAF about him, with the most obscene gestures ever. He named his new album “Paula,", and has songs titled “Love Can Grow Back” and “Still Madly Crazy.” I don’t know if we need to spell it out for you Robin, (since you clearly can’t rhyme, I can only assume you also cannot spell), SHE DOESN’T WANT YOU. But wait, according to your music “no” means “yes”, right? So maybe you have a chance after all?
Why I say this is kind of offensive is that it’s so fucking and obviously manipulative. I can imagine what’s going through Robin’s head: “Maybe if I sing her a bunch of love songs and send her a bunch of flowers, she’ll forgive me for being unfaithful. Yeah, that’ll work. Bitches will forgive anything as long as you bring flowers. Hmm, what rhymes with flowers…” Plus, he’s putting all of their business on blast for the whole world to see. Like seriously dude, you already cheated on her. Can’t you just let her have her space without you crying all over the fucking internet for her? By doing this, he’s painting HER as the bad guy. Look at mean Paula Patton, she won’t take back Robin Thicke even though he is so sad.
VH1, the clearly with the not very smart PR team, had Robin Thicke answer twitter questions yesterday under the hashtag #AskThicke and it was fucking hilarious. Seriously, if you need a good laugh, go read some tweets. I'm sure Jimmy Kimmel could make a whole "Celebs Read Mean Tweets" segment just around Robin Thicke.
Robin Thicke, pull your fucking tampon out. You cheated on your wife in front of the world, and it was a dick move. Deal with it. Move on. Let your wife have some sort of peace. And stop, for the love of god, crying like a fucking idiot on national television. We watch Keeping Up With The Kardashians, we see enough idiots crying on television for our own good. And BTW, we would rather listen to a power ballad by Rebecca Black than your album “Paula”.