Everyone says that it’s possible to have too much of a good thing, but IMO, “everyone” is a bunch of losers who are no fun at parties/pregames/anywhere worth being. As rosé season summer approaches, you can bet these are the people who are going to complain about pink wine being everywhere—which, to be fair, it totally is. If you’re not tagging your posts with #RoseAllDay at least once a week this summer, why are you even on Instagram?
If you haven’t made this year’s inaugural rosé Instagram yet, though, you can kick things off in a super meta way. Biagio Cru Wine & Spirits, an NYC-based wine importer, has come out with a rosé brand called Rosé All Day, and yes, the name is lifted straight from the ever-popular hashtag. So I think it’s safe to say that rosé is officially cancelled until all the wine distributors learn how to behave. This attempt to cash in on basic white girls’ obsession is more transparent than Starbucks‘ new mermaid frappuccino—which, if you read that and started screaming internally, is really a thing. Andddd I officially hate everyone and everything.
The rosé is made out of grapes from the Languedoc-Roussillon region of France, blah blah blah who the fuck cares. All you need to know is it’s made of fermented grapes, it’s pink, and it will get you drunk. When they start selling this shit in May (so like, now), it’s supposed to retail for about $12.99 a bottle, so even broke betches, i.e., all of us, can try it out. But if the Unicorn Frappuccino or Sugarfina rosé gummies or rainbow highlighter or world history in general have taught us anything, it’s that when white people want something they move fast and don’t leave anything left over for the rest of us—so you’d better get your credit card out now if you want this shit before it sells out.
Although this is perhaps the most egregious offense, this is hardly the first time middle-aged people have named wine after a popular millennial hashtag. Currently, Rosé All Day has a rival in the form of Instagram account-turned-wine brand Yes Way Rosé, and I would be shocked if other brands don’t have their own hashtag-themed alcohol in the works. Honestly, this shit might have killed rosé. If I wanted to drink my wine on a rooftop with a side of puns, I’d call my dad.
