September 15, 2015
While kids back here in America are getting fat from their pizza and chocolate milk lunches (that’s what they fed me in elementary school, I DGAF what Michelle Obama is feeding kids these days #LongLiveThe90s), two betches in training snuck out of kindergarten to go buy a Jag!
First of all, I hope these kids have an Instagram because the snap of them literally digging their way out of school is worth at least 100 likes. But yes, these kids really dug their way out of their playground at recess to go to a car dealership. However, that’s not the amazing part of the story, these kids had to walk a mile to the dealership! How did they not get lost? Do they have Google Maps in Russia? I get lost even though I am a college educated adult with a brand new iPhone 6 whenever I venture out to meet my hipster friends at some new bottomless brunch. These are fucking kindergartners; no wonder Russia is always invading shit.
But sadly, these kids didn’t have enough money for the coupe they wanted so they had to just trudge back to school for lunchtime. I hope they made it back in time before the 1st graders finished off all the vodka and caviar..