Scientists Uncover Big, Slimy Old Dildo | Betches

Scientists Uncover Big, Slimy Old Dildo

By The Head Pro

Today in dick news, some Polish archaeologists dug up something curious at the site of some old-ass toilets dating to the late 1700s. The verdict? Yep, that’s a fake dick, right there. Yes-siree-bob, you’d get TMJ if you tried to give a hummer to that dick, I’d bet. Why was the dildo found at the bottom of the potty? Dunno, but like, do you not take your sex toys with you to the bathroom? The site is believed to have once been a fencing school, and having briefly been a part of my college fencing team, I can say with some authority that there’s a decent chance this dildo was made for butts, not ladyparts.


Whatever it’s purpose, whatever its provenance, this was apparently a very nice fake dick, among the nicest fake dicks available at the time:

"[the dildo is] large, thick, made of leather filled with bristles, and has a wooden tip," the Regional Office for the Protection of Monuments in Gdansk said in a press release.

"It was certainly expensive. Cleaning revealed it was made of high quality leather," Marcin Tymiński at the Regional Office for the Protection of Monuments said in an interview with Radio Gdańsk.

Anyone who knows anything about dildos knows that the wooden tip is really where they gouge you on price. Good leather? No problem. Solid bristles? Here, use my hair clippings; I’ve been saving them for this purpose. But fuck me if that wooden tip doesn’t break the bank. Thank God for high-quality plastics, is all I’m saying.

I hope all of these people washed their hands.




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LET IT OUT, HONEY

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