This week’s episode of Scream was centered around Kieran’s birthday. As this is an MTV show about teenagers, his party was bound to be a miserable shit show with accidental drug use even if there wasn’t a serial killer on the loose; the high possibility of brutal death was just some added excitement. I’ve decided to break this recap up into time periods, mostly to highlight how much shit these kids get done before school. Like, why aren’t you all asleep??
We open on Audrey, who is in a field burying the bloody corkscrew that the killer left in her car. Obviously this doesn’t work out for her, because nothing seems to. She wakes up with the corkscrew in her bed and her window wide open. Prediction: what if Audrey is just going full Fight Club and she’s actually the new killer? It doesn’t make total sense, which means it’s probably the answer.
Emma’s night isn’t much better. After encountering her drunken father and learning about his abusive past, she goes home to have a sex dream that ends in her boyfriend getting murdered. If I had a nickel, am I right? She heads downstairs to find her parents fighting, and proceeds to scream at both of them for being generally shitty people. She’s not wrong.
Across town, Kieran is sullenly waiting for Eli to arrive home after being out all night. He warns his cousin to be careful because Lakewood is a small town and “people watch.” Um, people clearly don’t watch hard enough because none of you have figured out that one of your best friends is dead yet.
Kieran: This town has been good to me.
Kieran: Except for that part where a serial killer stalked my girlfriend and murdered my dad.
Kieran: Don’t ruin it for me.
Eli really wants to throw Kieran a birthday party, which actually means that Eli really wants to get Emma drunk enough to hook up with him. To no one’s surprise, Kieran isn’t the birthday party type; he’s just looking forward to a romantic night in from Emma. Cue the maniacal cackling from everyone in town, because that is the opposite of what he gets.
Brooke and her dad are having one of their typical father-daughter chats in which Brooke stares at her phone waiting for Jake to call and her dad pressures her into more events that will improve his image. He seems dead set on this Lady of the Lake pageant, and I’m starting to think it’s about more than rehabilitation. Maybe he’s banging some of the teenage contestants, seeing as how that’s something that goes wildly unpunished in this town. Brooke receives a text from fake Jake, promising to see her at the pageant. This is clearly a terrible sign, as Jake is 100% dead. 10/10 will not end well for Brooke.
Emma runs into Eli at the coffee shop, where he’s picking up a job application. If I was Emma, I would just stop interacting with people that I run into in this coffee shop because history shows they end up trying to murder her. Eli manipulates Emma into believing that she’s a shitty girlfriend who didn’t pick up on the fact that Kieran obviously wants a raging high school birthday party. He even offers to supply all the booze, because of course the shady new kid has a fake. Don’t worry, it’s not just for buying alcohol.
Eli: Sometimes I just like to be someone else for a while.
Eli: Like your boyfriend.
In a rare bout of actual education, Emma, Audrey and Brooke are in study hall doing homework. Psych, they’re planning Kieran’s party. Audrey receives a text from the killer and instantly assumes it’s someone in the room. She locks eyes with Stavo, who pulls the power move of not dropping eye contact after being caught blatantly staring. In a zero fucks attempt at intimidation, Audrey brazenly takes multiple photos of him while he’s still staring at her. This is one of the stranger interactions that occurs in this episode, but definitely not the weirdest.
Audrey: What do you guys think of Stavo?
Brooke: Ugh the WORST. Definitely have not thought about having sex with him. Hate that kid.
Audrey leaves class to go to the bathroom, aka pulls the fire alarm so that she can snoop through Stavo’s stuff uninterrupted. She discovers that his iPad is full creepy drawings of the Lakewood Six, Emma’s being especially notable for the knife sticking out of her head.
Mr. Maddox shows up at the Sheriff’s office and asks him to track down Jake, not because he’s concerned for the object of her daughter’s affection, but because he thinks Jake skipped town on him after screwing him over. It only takes some light blackmail to get Sheriff Acosta on board, who spends the rest of the day trying to track Jack down at school and home. He picks up very quickly on what everyone else has been oblivious to: This kid is fucking missing.
Noah tries to invite Zoe to Kieran’s party as his date and fails miserably. I’m honestly not sure which of them is more socially stunted. Brooke steps in and saves the day because no one else on this show is capable of getting anything done.
Audrey attempts to get info about Stavo, her newest suspect, from Noah, but he’s too focused on rifling through his 20 identical plaid shirts for his date outfit to offer any real insight. In fact, he tries to defend him by listing multiple examples of times that brooding loners did in fact turn out to be psychotic killers, but insists this probably isn’t the case here. Definitely sign up for the debate team if this whole podcast thing doesn’t work out for you, bud.
Emma and Eli are setting up for the party at Emma’s house, or more accurately, Emma is setting up and Eli is pumping her full of drinks. Naturally, decorating leads them into a precarious near kiss situation, which Emma narrowly avoids by going to answer the door. Honestly, I’m offended for Kieran. Not only has he dealt with all your psycho stalker nonsense, but he’s also 300x hotter than his cousin with an obviously creepy interest with you. Get your shit together, Emma.
Enter Brooke, who drags in a giant bottle of very expensive tequila that was left on the front porch. The note left behind says it’s from Jake, and everyone kind of just accepts that as if Jake is the kind of guy who drives around town dropping off $300 bottles of alcohol for parties that he didn’t even know were happening.
Emma tells Brooke about her near kiss, because she’s had all of one mixed drink and is already at the “divulge secret information to my friends” stage of drunk. Like the real bitch she is, Brooke dives in right to the point at hand before and then proceeds to gulp vodka. Queen.
Brooke: Did you want him to kiss you?
Emma: Um, I’m with Kieran.
Brooke: Not a fucking answer * chug *
By the time Kieran actually arrives, the shots have been poured and handed around to toast his surprise with. This is the most coordinated surprise party I’ve ever witnessed. I’ve never attended one where anyone was even remotely prepared for the attendee of honor to arrive. Kieran walks in, clearly pissed, but does his shot anyways. What a trooper. At first I was mad that not one of these kids used salt or a lime, but I guess suffering multiple near death experiences lessens your fear of alcohol.
Even as drunk as she is, Emma notices that Kieran is not loving life. She tells him everything that Eli had said to her about his secret passion for birthday parties and the animosity in the room increases tenfold. A fight might have ensued if everyone hadn’t started puking their guts out at that very moment.
Once Audrey hears that Jake was supposedly the one who supplied the alcohol, she knows they’re all fucked. But it’s actually Stavo who figures out what happened: they’ve all been drugged with something that sounds a lot like peyote. He’s totally done it out in the desert in Arizona, aka Stavos has definitely been to Burning Man. He explains the process to them, and the gist is that they’re all about to be tripping balls. This drug is the supposed to bring whatever they’re hiding up to the surface and amplify it, which just sounds like a textbook definition of being drunk, but whatever.
Over the next ten minutes, everyone starts hallucinating. Some trips go better than others.
Suddenly, everyone is sober and attempting to explain to the adults what the fuck just happened. The Sheriff is not buying any of it, until he hears that “Jake” was the supplier of the spiked tequila. More importantly, everyone thinks Emma is insane.
Emma: I was almost stabbed!
Sheriff: While you were on hallucinogenic drugs?
Emma: Besides the point.
Audrey, probably feeling some residual guilt because she absolutely knows there’s a new killer out there, announces Stavos’ creepy drawings to everyone in the room. No one is as upset or disturbed as they should have been.
After everyone leaves, Mr. Duvall breaks the news that he’s leaving town for rehab, because today hasn’t been traumatic enough. Moments later Emma’s mom arrives, and she isn’t even a little bit mad about the raging party or no doubt copious amounts of puke around her home. Instead, she makes a remark about Mr. Duvall conveniently showing up in time to play the savior, which would have been a throwaway comment if Brooke’s dad hadn’t said something similar to Sheriff Acosta earlier.
Sheriff Acosta, who is also miraculously not angry about the rampant underage drinking in the town he’s supposed to be policing, plays nice with his son in the guise of snooping through his room and discovers a replica Brandon James mask. The fact that it wasn’t even remotely hidden away should indicate Stavo’s innocence, but I’m sure this will be a big deal for at least one more episode.
This poor kid is probably just creating a graphic novel based on the all the shit that’s gone done in this town. It’s no Atomic County, but will probably still be a good read. This new discovery is the final straw for the Sheriff. He calls Jake’s parents and officially reports him missing.
The next day, Kieran arrives before school to delicately tell Emma that she’s probably crazy and definitely should have stayed in rehab. Naturally, Eli eavesdrops like a creep.
Yes, you read that right, before school. Meaning, these fucking teenagers threw a rager that resulted in all of them getting drugged on a school night. It must be nice to be sixteen and not be plagued by debilitating hangovers.
At school, Noah tries asking Zoe out again. He also fails again, but this time because she outs him for being in love with his gay best friend. Honestly, I’m shocked. This is the first true plot twist this show has ever had. Also, this is kind of a bitch move when you consider that Zoe is the one who initiated the three-way make out.
At the Lady of Lake assembly, for which Brooke naturally looks fabulous and not even a little hungover, she and Stavo have a moment. They tenuously agree to “hang out” again at a non-disclosed time in the future. Ah, vague teenage love.
Their moment is cut short by the announcement that Brooke has made it into the final five of the pageant, along with Zoe. However, only Brooke receives the full Carrie treatment when the banner on stage drops down to coat her in her boyfriend’s blood as Jake’s dead body plummets to the stage.