Are Brad Pitt And Selena Gomez Fucking, Or Nah? | Betches

Are Brad Pitt And Selena Gomez Fucking, Or Nah?

By Head Pro

So, apparently Selena Gomez had an appearance in 'The Big Short', the movie that everyone liked but no one saw (probably because they didn't know Selena Gomez was in it). But one person who did know she was in it was Brad Pitt, and not just because he was also in it -- he apparently handpicked her for the role. Then the Golden Globes happened, when Selena Instagrammed the following:


 

A photo posted by Selena Gomez (@selenagomez) on

 

Look, we all know that you don't Instagram pictures of yourself with people you're NOT fucking, so we can probably stop right here. But that's no fun, so leave it to the National Enquirer to keep the unsubstantiated rumor mill turning. According to their source, Brad's wife Angelina Jolie is sex shades of pissed about him cuddling up with the love of my life:

“Now Selena is bragging to everyone that Brad is gung ho to make another movie with her. Selena is going around jokingly calling Brad ‘my future husband,’ and Angie is obviously none too pleased.

“Angie warned Brad to cut all ties with Selena, and she’s forbidding him from working with her again. It’s just another hard blow to their already fragile marriage.”

Wait, why is their marriage fragile? They're two of the most masturbated-to people in history with more money than God and no need to ever spend time apart if they don't choose to. This is what happens when you start a relationship as the other woman. You know what you're getting with Brad Pitt, who has a documented history of banging the hot girl of the moment before moving onto the next one -- you either die a hero, or live long enough to become the villain. Juliette Lewis? Functionally dead. Gwyneth Paltrow? Everyone hates her. Jennifer Anniston? Same.

Is any of this true? Probably not. Will Selena Gomez ever actually marry Brad Pitt in some bizarro future? Not if me, this Whitman's Sampler, the earrings I bought from Claire's and the haiku I wrote have anything to say about it.




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LET IT OUT, HONEY

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