January 14, 2015
There’s that one person you wish you could do some unspeakable things to. She’s probably the former bestie who called you out one too many times for always having Sunday morning regrets. Or it’s the bro who ghosted you after you let him buy you a couple drinks and text you for two weeks. Then you found out he was hooking up with one of the girls in your business class. Fuck no, not happening.
Whoever your frenemy/shady bro may be, this website called shipyourenemiesglitter.com is here to help. The name of the website is really pretty telling, but if you’re still half asleep with a hangover from last night’s happy hour we can explain.
You go on this site, give them the address of whoever fucked you over, pay $8 (on Dad’s credit card of course – you’re not wasting a dime of your own money on this piece of shit), and wait. The site will send your enemy a normal-looking envelope with their name on it. They will probably get excited thinking it’s a birthday card or a free vacation or some shit, but when they open it, they will dissolve into tears. The envelope they just received contains a glitter “bomb” that will explode all over them. There will also be a note inside that tells them what an awful person they are. They’ll probably be looking over their shoulder for the next ten years.
There’s no way they can trace it back to you so congrats, you just ruined their day. Some may say this is a little bat shit crazy, but betches are all about getting even and ruining people’s days.
If only there would be some way we could see this asshole’s face when they find themselves covered in glitter. Someone needs to invent that ASAP.