Sexts and Subtext with Head Pro

By The Head Pro

Dear Head Pro,

I often read your site while at my desk at work when it's slow and I'm #bored. There is def some gold on here (speaking as a relatively older betch who reads this site more for pure entertainment as opposed to guidance). I went to #UniversityofPennsylvania so I'm guessing some of you betches know me. And Head Pro, you seem pretty down to earth and normal, and I'm sitting here at work with a mild dilemma, obviously mild because I don't really give a shit about much besides myself, but I've been wondering and thought I'd get your opinion as I have a 20 more min that I'm supposed to remain in this terrible fucking office.

So I went on 2 dates with a guy here in NYC.  He's a 4th yr med student at Columbia, and pretty down-to earth, somewhat of a stoner, which is a plus.  A generally good guy, but I don't really see it necessarily going anywhere.  I have a few other prospects I like better but I'm not entirely sure it's cuz they are less forthcoming/mysterious #SABs and I'm just getting mindfucked.  Anyway, this guy texted me for the third date and although part of me wants to keep him as an option, I'm kind of over it.  I do have some nicegirl aspects and I don't want to lead him on. So long story short (I'm just now realizing you needed to read none of the above shit):

What's the best way to reject someone? Do I just not respond? It would be nice to know from a guys perspective.

Thanks pro. Facebook me ;)

Dear …,

I definitely understand the pain of working in a soul-sucking office. There were times at work where I contemplated throwing myself out of a window, and the only thing stopping me was the realization that, should something go wrong and it didn’t work, I would have literally failed at failing. Office boredom can lead to people trying some insane things, like using inoperable #hashtags in emails or name-dropping everyone’s last choice Ivy League school (Ok, next to last. It’s no Cornell). Tell me, what’s it like to go to a school where you’re constantly confused with whatever a Nittany Lion is and/or Jerry Sandusky? And chill out Bruce Wayne, considering there are around 24,000 students at Penn at any given time, I think your secret identity is safe.

With your dilemma (Oh no, a guy likes me. Life is hard), are you kidding me? You’ve been on two dates; just don’t fucking respond to him. But in general, more serious situations, if you genuinely want to end things with a guy it’s best to be as blunt and direct as possible. What you started to type there on your crude, likely home-built iPhone clone is a good start, but not quite there yet. Namely, the problem is that you don’t “think” it will work out, and you’re “sorry” about it. The problem with guys is that we can go fucking insane when it comes to a girl we’re into. If there’s anything, even the smallest margin, that we think gives us a chance to make it happen, we’ll take it. So when you say you don’t “think” it’s going work, that implies that it’s a matter of opinion and that he can change your mind. By saying “I’m sorry” you’re implying that you’re sad about ending things and thus would be happier if you weren’t. I never said guys couldn’t be just as crazy as girls. If you want to drop a guy without any unnecessary drama, say something like this:

Him: Hey, wanna go get colonoscopies this weekend? I got a deal on Groupon!

You: No thanks. I had a nice time hanging out with you, but I don’t want to pursue this any further. It just isn’t working.

Boom, simple. Nothing unclear, nothing wishy washy. If you get anything back other than an “ok” or “have a nice life” you’re dealing with a grade-A nutjob. Guys don’t mind breaking up so much as they mind uncertainty, and girls seem to always want to avoid hurting the guy’s feelings. As long as you’re honest (rather than mean), you won’t. Letting a guy down easy is actually the hardest way, because he always thinks he has a chance. Wait a minute... what was all that 'one in a million' talk?

I don’t facebook on the first date,

Head Pro




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