October 11, 2012
Dear Head Pro
So me and this b[p]ro have been friends since we were like 12 and have occasionally hooked up here and there... last weekend I needed a ride home from this party and 'Sober Bro' as we'll call him, offered to drive me home since I was totally hammered. We're around the corner from my house when he pulls over and makes a move on me! Well one thing leads to another and soon enough I'm blowing him in the backseat of his car... I know so trashy, I could barely believe it myself when I sobered up the next morning...
Anyway, he finally lets me out and I'm sitting in my room when I get this text... my first reaction is like WTF he's such an asshole and TOTALLY took advantage of me, seeing as he was totally sober and I was the total opposite. But then I was like omg I'm such a whore (I don't normally blow random kids in their cars) and I felt soooo down on myself. Now I ask you, Head Pro... Am I a whore and should've known better, or is he the asshole that should've stopped me sooner, especially since he is 'getting' with some other chick!? And P.S., rumor has it that girl blew some other guy like three days ago. Sucks to Suck, Sober Bro.
Am I A Whore!?
Dear Am I a Whore,
If getting wasted and knob-slobbing a guy you’ve known for a long time and have hooked up with before makes you a whore, then literally every female I pass on the street is too. Furthermore, he’s the one that put the moves on you, not vice versa. You didn’t fuck him, you were wasted, and things got heated. Plus, it doesn’t sound like you knew he was “getting with” someone else, so it’s not like you got into it with the intention of being a homewrecking splooge burglar. While blowing some bro in the back of a car isn’t the most, um, elegant thing you can do, you’re absolved of any wrongdoing. In the future though, leave the backseat heavy petting to high school kids and child molesters.
Of more interest to you, I guess, is this guy and his “taking advantage of you”. I think that’s probably a little too strong. I mean sure you probably wouldn’t have done that sober, but unless you tell me otherwise I don’t think there was any coercion here or even any abuse of “consent”. He went in for it, you were down, and then you blew him. Definitely skeezy on his part, but it’s also possible he didn’t know you were THAT drunk. And you know, he seems genuinely apologetic and takes blame for his actions. It sounds to me like this was just a case of things getting heated between two old friends/fuck buddies that got lost in the moment. And also booze, in your case.
It’s up to you if you want to honor his request, but spilling to his current girl that you blew her bf in the back of his car doesn’t exactly paint an attractive picture of you for others. I’d leave it alone and let him figure out that his gf is just as much of a cheater as he is.
So back in November, I ended up hooking up with this guy that I had had my eyes on since Freshman year. We had mutual friends but had never even had a real conversation.. It was unlike me to have sex with someone so quickly but I wasnt exactly thinking straight as it was the night of my bestie's twenty-first...
Afterwards we texted casually and hooked up again before leaving for Christmas break.. Second semester, I studied abroad and obviously didnt really stay in touch.
When I got home in May, he was FBO with some other girl..The other week, I ran into him at a bar for the first time.. We had a casual conversation about my abroad experience and our plans for the summer, like typical stuff..
After he left, he sent me the following texts.. I know, like wtf? Who says any of that....
But basically what I want to know is, does he actually just want to be friends or is he trying to fuck? I know this is bad since he has a girlfriend, but honestly he is my ideal candidate for a FWB relationship.. He's so nice (easily manipulated) and we've already had sex so I won't be upping my numbers .. Should I just let it or go, or should I pursue it and see if he's willing to break up with his new gf?
A Good Girlfriend
Dear Good Girlfriend,
Sadly, this is a classic case of wanting what you can’t have. The fact that you only hooked up twice with “casual” texting in between tells me that there was never a whole lot of spark between the two of you to begin with. Then when you went abroad, contact dropped off. I know it’s hard to stay in touch with the rest of the world when you’re overseas (though really, why would you want to?), but if this guy was single and into you he would have at least used this new thing called “email” to keep in contact.
I can see why his texts could be a little confusing to you (what with you thinking wayyyyy too far ahead and all), so I’ll translate them for you:
Him: Hey it was kind of nice seeing you. I’d like to hang out, but not so much that I’ll bother initiating anything. Also, let me reiterate my lack of interest by calling you a “girl friend”
You: [TTH jibber jabber]
Him: I’m going to use an adjective that no guy uses to describe a girl he’s romantically interested in! But we did hook up before, so let me remind you of that and throw it in your face to let you know that I know if I wanted it, I could have it.
You: [Obvious flirting, making his point for him]
In closing, he doesn’t sound as easily manipulated as you make him out to be. He doesn’t want to fuck you, but he doesn’t not want to fuck you, if that makes any sense. Assuming that he likes you well enough as a person (which it sounds like he does) and you’ve hooked up before (which you have), no guy in his right mind would completely let you fall off the map, just in case the opportunity ever presented itself again.
So yeah, he’s not breaking up with his girlfriend for you. Stay friends if you want, but let go of the romance.