February 28, 2014
Whether a betch is Republican, Democrat, or can’t remember since she was black out last election night anyway, we can all agree that politicians can be shady as fuck.
Under no other circumstance would bros be able to get away with the same amount of shit under the guise of “serving the community”. The one obvious exception being fraternities. Sure you’re always drunk and have completely destroyed a few venues, but once a year you raise money for geriatric diabetes!
Regardless, 2016 is just around the corner and the next election will be here faster than a betch can text her dad asking who to vote for. “Well, he said it’s cause of something to do with money, or like taxes. Idk, whatever. I’m voting Republican”.
Let’s take a look at four of the biggest SABs in politics right now. We'll let you decide who's shadiest.
Our fave funny fat bro from Jersey, Christie is expected to make a run for the 2016 election. We actually didn’t think he was that sketch until Bridgegate when, in an act of political revenge, a couple of Christie-appointed civil servants intentionally caused traffic delays for the city of Fort Lee, NJ to get back at the city’s mayor for not endorsing Christie’s re-election campaign.
Of course, Christie has repeatedly claimed he had no idea that any of this was happening. Umm…sure. The question now is if the scandal was enough to ruin his chances for the 2016 Republican nomination. Either way, maybe all this Bridgegate stuff is for the best. I think I speak for the rest of America when saying I’m a little uncomfortable having a president who's so power hungry he thinks he can reschedule Halloween.
Only 2 words are needed to describe Joe Biden: word vomit. Except, instead of telling Aaron Samuels that Regina’s been cheating on him, he’s telling America shit that doesn’t make any sense and, most of the time, just makes Obama shoot him the same “STFU” look you give your bestie when she starts telling the story of your freshman year tequila night.
Biden’s basically every betch’s drunk uncle, except the extremely stupid and borderline racist remarks that have come out of this bro’s mouth sober (we assume) make that uncle look like fucking Mother Teresa. He’s shady in that, despite the fact that he’s all smiles, we’re never 100% sure what he’s thinking (or if he’s thinking) because most of what comes out makes zero fucking sense.
Here are some of Biden’s stupidest quotes. Just imagine how much worse he would be without the White House’s PR team…
- "Look, John's last-minute economic plan does nothing to tackle the number-one job facing the middle class, and it happens to be, as Barack says, a three-letter word: jobs. J-O-B-S, jobs."
- "Hillary Clinton is as qualified or more qualified than I am to be vice president of the United States of America. Quite frankly, it might have been a better pick than me."
- "You cannot go to a 7-11 or a Dunkin' Donuts unless you have a slight Indian accent.... I'm not joking."
- “They’re going to put y’all back in chains” – To Obama supporters in Virginia in 2012, referring to the GOP. Let that one sink in a minute.
Wisconsin governor Scott Walker received a lot of bad press in 2011 when he attempted to get rid of unions. This caused the state capital building in Madison to be surrounded by angry, yelling protesters and University of Wisconsin betches awkwardly photographing the crowd since class was, like, cancelled.
Walker’s shadiest moment came when he received a prank phone call from a journalist pretending to be republican supporter David Koch. During the call, Walker admitted that they had considered planting “trouble makers” in the crowd to get rid of the protesters.
Prank caller: you know we have a little bit of a vested interest as well. [laughs]
Scott Walker: Well, that’s just it.
It’s anticipated that Walker will also make a grab at the 2016 GOP nomination. Hopefully he’s been screening his phone calls more thoroughly since then.
Yea, he’s not a U.S. politician, but everything that went down with that whole crack scandal is just too good for him not to land on our SABs of politics list, or really, any list involving shadiness period.
As of now, Ford just wants the public to separate what he’s done in office with what he’s done outside of office. That’s cool. I mean, who among us hasn’t gotten black out and gone looking for some crack? Oh wait…