146. The Shared Guy

By The Betches

We all know this bro. He's the one with whom you and all your friends have drunkenly made out. The guy who's your #50 guy friend until you're too high to remember this trivial detail. Yes, most betches are all too familiar SAB's whorish cousin, the shared guy.


gerard butlerEven Wintour wants a piece


When it comes to the SG, you can literally name 10 girls he's hooked up with within 90 seconds. He's usually pretty funny and always entertaining to chill with. Hooking up with him is always #121 casual, not a big deal, and will never take him off the market for anyone else...nor would you ever want to. As Cher Horowitz describes him, "Sometimes they come to class and say bonehead things, and we all laugh, of course. But no respectable girl actually dates them."

This guy may or may not have an STD or two from all the random V he's stuck his D into, so beware of just how badly you want to have sex/smoke before responding to the his texts to 'hang out' at 1 am. While he can be nice in that he's always around and usually has drugs, he's also notorious for fucking anything with a pulse. Then again, when you're fully aware of this it's NBD.

The worst is when some unsuspecting girl enters the picture and actually thinks this guy is like, datable. You'll meet her and she'll be talking to your group of besties while unaware that 5/6 of you has had sex with him. It's awkward yet always entertaining, kind of on par with observing people do walk of shames from your window or watching Kristen Stewart try to act.

So betches, enjoy but always be on your guard when it comes to the Shared Guy. As long as you're aware of his role in the complex, blended spectrum of potential hookups, the occasional tryst with one is like, never an issue. Just don't get carried away. Brittany Murphy did and we all know how that turned out.


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