May 20, 2014
Dear Head Pro,
I used to hook up with this guy in my social circle on a regular basis and I'm not on birth control, we'd use condoms. We stopped hooking up end of last year and hooked up again last night for the first time since then. We were pretty drunk and it kinda just happened and we didn't use any sort of contraceptive, and afterwards he was like "I hope you're on birth control" and i told him i'm still not and we were both kinda just like "shit" and then he said that today we would go to rite aid to pick it up.
We were together all day today and he even went into rite aid to get beer for the beach. I thought that he would pick it up when he was in there but he didn't mention it when he got back into the car. We were with other people so I decided not to ask. He still hasnt brought it up, and I'm kind of on a really tight budget right now, so my question is can you ask the guy to buy Plan B? Should you offer to split it? Or should i just not bring it up and buy it myself?
I Shouldn't Be A Mom
Dear No You Certainly Shouldn’t,
First of all, given that you sent this to me on the 17th, I hope you quickly found a resolution to the issue. As the girls helpfully pointed out this weekend, Plan B-type things drop rapidly in effectiveness, and aren’t worth much after three days.
Anyway, yes, you should definitely ask him, with the caveat being I don’t guess he’s technically obligated to comply. That said, in this situation it’s in everyone’s best interest for you to get the pill, so if it were me and the girl really had trouble paying for it (or took some obnoxious moral stance, or even asked just because), I’m going to help. No philosophical argument over whose “job” it is to pay for your baby bomb is worth me becoming a father before I plan to.
So yeah, a decent dude would help you out there, but even if it means being a little short on rent this month, it’s nothing compared to the costs (both short and long-term) associated with the potential alternative. A baby is just about the worst STD you can get.
Dear Head Pro,
This guy I actually really like couldn't get hard the first time we tried to have sex. He's young and in great shape and we weren't drunk. Is this normal?
Dear Sexually Frustrated,
*Sigh* More penis problems. Maybe I should write a hilarious (yet informative) book dispelling myths of the male anatomy. I suppose the “normative” state for penis response to sexual stimulus is arousal, but that doesn’t make the inability to get it up in this tiny sample size of “one” abnormal, either. I doubt guys’ sexual performance is tied as closely to our emotions as girls’ performance is, but there’s definitely still a connection.
He could have been: nervous, angry at something, sad, guilty, hungry, tired, anxious, depressed, preoccupied, high, sick, needing to pee, or anything else. Literally anything can lead to a temporary malfunction, however hard that is to believe. Instead of pondering what’s wrong with him, blaming yourself or anything else like that, maybe just try fucking him again.
Dear Head Pro,
My original date for my sorority's formal got sick with mono 3 days before the big event rolled around and I had to find someone else pronto. Basically all my friends/hookups had already gotten asked or had other plans so I had to take someone I didn't already know. I ended up going with my best friend's boyfriend's friend. We hadn't met before so we went to lunch the day before. Lunch was great (probably because of the pot he smoked before) and we texted that night and the next day. He was probably the best date I'd ever taken to formal. He was so funny, hot, and really polite. I think it goes without saying that we hooked up (multiple times). The next week we texted a lot, but then conversation just stopped.
It went from really good conversations and hook ups to nothing for months. I figured he just got bored and found other girls and I ultimately forgot about our little fling all together. I hadn't seen or heard from him until about two weeks ago when he sent me a picture of us together and wished me happy birthday. We had a good conversation and he had clearly been stalking my instagram or asking around about me because he knew where I went for spring break and my upcoming summer plans. Tomorrow is his birthday and I'm wondering if I should say something (even a simple HBD snapchat). I mean he made the effort to reach out to me on my bday even after months of silence so I'm just wondering if i should do the same which could lead to some more great hook ups or just forget about him.
Confused by the silence
Well, let me ask you this: Did the initial hookups lead to more great hookups? Did his most recent outreach lead to more great hookups? No. Why, then, do you think sending him a message on his birthday would somehow alter the course of this non-relationship? I mean, you can if you want, but don’t do so thinking he just needs one last nudge to get him to fall back into your bed.
Sending neither a snapchat nor a slew of subsequent texts qualifies as “effort.” It is literally the easiest possible way to communicate with someone without even nodding in the direction of commitment. He is, after all, your friend’s-boyfriend’s-friend. You barely know him, so he could have any number of things going on that make continuing on with you suboptimal. Like I said, what’s it gonna hurt, but given that in the time since you met him you’ve spent more time not talking than you have talking, I think you’re holding on to nothing here.
I love how hookups always “go without saying” (but then get said anyway),