Should I Date a Guy I Don't Like For Dating Experience? Ask a Pro

By The Head Pro

Email Head Pro your questions about life, love and Santa Claus at [email protected]

Dear Head Pro, 

First off, my email address is the result of an unfortunate middle school enthusiasm for cats which probably led to my induction into the "Nice Girl Society."  Thinking about it now, I've always been on route to Nice Girl Topia and I'll eventually end up touting my "inspiring" travels to uninterested strangers in an attempt to appear to have some depth." Alright I get it, you're a nice girl. So why are you emailing me?" Because believe it or not, sometimes I stop knitting in the corner and occasionally read your advice for betches. Which is usually honest as  hell and I can appreciate that. I also have a pretty elementary question about a boy.

I'm seventeen and despite sounding like I have a stick up my ass,  I'm pretty much a huge goofball/spaz that struggles with the concept of "chill." I go to a pretty small school (80 kids) so the options of guys are sub zero. (Okay I'm going to try and summarize better I promise) Basically got my first kiss, he likes me, I don't know if I really like him because I didn't really feel anything when I kissed him. So I ended our thing and then in a moment of weakness started it again. By moment of weakness I mean I was on my period (yes I'm going to be that girl). Anyways, so now we are back together and I still don't feel anything when we kiss. If I end things a second time his ego’s going to be crushed.

So this is my question, should I just date him for experience? Also I think kissing is the personification of how you feel, so if I don't feel anything can kissing really be that good? Maybe the problem is I'm not extremely attracted to him. Another thing, I can't stand how he makes me feel cheap. He'll give me the usual compliments and pet names, but it drives me insane. I'm probably average border lining on pretty, but he insists on calling me beautiful. Which is just him trying to be smooth, trust me. I know the easy option is just to end it, but I'm attracted to older guys so I don't want to be completely inexperienced. Damn that was cold, maybe I am a betch.
( Thanks for reading about my pathetic teenage angst )

-  Inexperienced

Dear Inexperienced,

Fuckin’ a, you’re lucky it’s Christmas. Pro tip - unless you’re using them as a rhetorical device, whatever you put between parentheses can be cut 90% of the time. In your case, it’s 100% of the time. I do not know what it means to be “that girl” as evidenced by kissing someone while menstruating. I don’t want to know, actually. Just wait until you’re older and a guy broaches the topic of “riding the crimson wave.” I anticipate you’ll email me with a whole new set of questions.

Anyway, the “should I do xyz for experience?” question is one that comes up pretty often. I always ask, experience doing what? More kissing? Experience humping? It’s true that over the long term, being in relationships better prepares us for future relationships. It takes a lot of time, soul-searching and knockdown-drag-out arguments to get a feel for being part of a unit, to learn when it’s right to put someone else’s needs first versus when it’s right to stand up for your own desires. But, as you mentioned, you don’t feel anything for the guy, which would render the whole dating exercise moot.

Dating someone you don’t like just because it sounds like a productive thing to do is pointless. That’s because it’s impossible to compare a relationship of utility and convenience to one you actually want to be in because you like the person. Your affection for someone clouds your judgement, and if anything dating a guy you don’t actually like for “experience” could put you in a position of being overconfident in your ability to handle yourself in a genuine relationship.

Of course you’re attracted to older men. You’re 17, and 17 year old boys are morons. Do not date one presupposing it will better prepare you for relationships with older guys. It’s just a waste of your time and his. Fuck his ego. Between now and the time he graduates from college (and beyond), plenty more women will do plenty worse things to his ego than ending a loveless relationship. Save your smooches for guys you’re actually attracted to, and learn to date as you go like the rest of us.

Unfeeling Kisses,

Head Pro

Dear Head Pro,

I’m in need of advice and who better to come to betchy advice than you? So I’m at that age where you’re “figuring yourself out.” I went to a university for my freshman year to study elementary education, didn’t like it so decided to take an easy way out and go to hair school. I ended up hating hair school. It’s actually really hard believe it or not. Besides, I would rather be the person getting my hair done than doing someone’s hair am I right? So anyway now I’m stuck with trying to figure out a career that I actually like. Also I’ve been hating almost any part time job I’ve had and can’t seem to find something I even like for that. Honestly I just want to lay around all day. If I could pick any career I would want to be a model like who doesn’t want to be paid millions to look good? But that’s not going to just happen unless you’re like kendall jenner so I have to start thinking realistically. Can you give me some ideas for some betchy career options? I obviously know I have to find my passion or whatever but I’m in need of just some ideas cuz I’m so lost on this.


Desperate & Lazy

Dear Desperate & Lazy,

Holy shit. Like, everything is wrong with this. You start by signing up to major in a very specific, specialized field of study, and decide you don’t like it. You then go on to sign up for... another very specific, specialized field of study, this time with the added benefit of apparently being considered beneath you. Like, what in the actual fuck? How do you go from elementary education to hair? What kind of university is this, anyway? Do they not offer, I dunno, things like economics, anthropology, sociology, psychology, English, classics, political science, history, modern dance or every other fucking liberal arts degree for people who don’t know what they want to do? Because I feel like you may have overlooked a few options.

All part time jobs suck. Literally all of them. That’s part of why they’re part time; it would be hard to find people who would want to do them for 40 hours per week. Also, everyone wants to lay around all the time and do mostly nothing. It is our human directive to be as happy as we can doing as little as possible, but that’s not a reality for most people. As you said, hitting the modeling jackpot is unlikely without not only luck, but a fair amount of determination and work as well. Don’t sell modeling too short, either. No, they’re not laying concrete in sweltering heat or writing lines of brilliant code, but they also have hectic schedules, zero job security, and are rarely asked to do anything other than look the right way. Most jobs, you’ll find, ask of either your brain or your body, but not both. When forced to pick, most people are more content with the former.

Unless you’re exceptionally crafty or entrepreneurial, you’re not going to make it for shit without finishing your education. Like I said, just pick some bullshit humanities degree; it doesn’t matter. Outside of STEM degrees, no one cares what you majored in (cue dozens of angry poli sci majors claiming their degree totally got them work on a campaign one time). As far as “betchy” careers, I’m not sure what to tell you. “Publishing,” the technical term for a career that involves taking 4 girls making $30k per year and cramming them into one Manhattan studio apartment, seems appropriately betchy.

Remember, “finding your passion” is only a reality for people who can afford to do so.

Scholarly Kisses,

Head Pro

Email Head Pro your questions about life, love and Santa Claus at [email protected]




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