May 12, 2015
My relationship problems belong in a Shakespeare play and I need your advice. I have been dating the same guy for the past 5 years and I am so in love with him. He's my best friend, has a nice car, and buys me expensive presents. The problem is, he cheated on me...multiple times. This past time it was with a girl he basically had a sober relationship with - dinner dates, multiple sleepovers, etc.
My friends tell me I need to ditch him and move on but I can't bring myself to do it. He's a few years younger than me, so I think he just cheated because he is young and dumb. Here is the other problem - this is a secret relationship. My family doesn't even know we are dating. I've kept him a secret for the past 5 years! My family is very strict and have high expectations for me, and my boyfriend just doesn't meet their qualifications (he is a different race than what my parents want for me, never went to college, works in a fast food restaurant, etc.). My parents met him years ago when we were just friends, and they hated him so much I can't even say his name in my house.
We have to sneak around like Romeo and Juliet. I lie about where I am going, where I am sleeping, the miles on my car, etc. Essentially, just a whole bunch of lies and now I don't know where to go from here. I just graduated college and am ready to start my adult life. I want to tell my parents about my boyfriend and live a normal, public life with him. My question for the betches is: should I confess about my secret boyfriend? And if so, how and what should I tell them? I can't ask my friends for advice because they hate my boyfriend so much that I barely talk to them anymore. I got so sick of them lecturing me and now we have drifted apart. You betches are my last hope. Please help!
I Should Have Been Named Juliet
Oy, there is so much wrong with this situation that if I addressed it all this would turn from an advice column into a multiple page critical essay, so let’s tackle why this guy is literally the worst, in list form.
1. He cheated on you.
2. Multiple times.
3. With somebody he was basically having a second relationship with. Is that not the ultimate betrayal? And yet you still call this guy your best friend? How shitty are your friends?
4. You’re already making excuses for this guy’s shitty behavior. I know love is blind and all but is it fucking delusional, too? You get cheated on multiple times but everything’s all good because “he’s young and dumb”…K. Quit trying to be “Cool Girl,” that shit is not OK and you deserve better.
They say that if all your exes are crazy, the common denominator is you, and I think a similar idea applies: if everybody you know hates this guy, the common denominator is probably that he sucks. Tbh he does sound like the definition of a scrub. Like, such a big scrub that the surviving members of TLC met this guy, and then invented a time machine and went back in time so they could write “No Scrubs” about him with Left Eye.
Oh, shit. I didn’t answer your question. Talking to your parents, right. I don’t think you should tell them about your boyfriend because, really, you should drop him. Even though your parents sound kinda shallow and even racist, I’m not getting that this guy even treats you right so it doesn’t seem worth the grief telling your parents would cause. If he was an all-around great guy who treated you like a princess and your parents just sucked, sure. But this guy? Not worth it.
At the same time, five years is a long fucking time to keep up a con, so I can see why you’d want to clear your conscience (good thing I don’t have one of those). Here’s what I think you should do: in the parental dynamic there’s usually one parents who’s more chill (however slightly) and whom you’re closer to—I have a strange inkling that would be your mom, correct me if I’m wrong. So one day take her out to froyo or some shit and tell her that you have a problem and you need her help (moms eat that up). Then just break it to her. If your mom’s a betch she’ll help you think of ways to approach your dad, or she’ll just do the work for you. If your parents really are a united front, well shit, it might be time to call a family meeting and break out the Powerpoint.
Good luck, I kinda wanna know how this turns out but if things go south I’d like to maintain some plausible deniability.
You do know how Romeo & Juliet ends, right?
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