November 14, 2014
I need some help. I'm 18 and a senior in high school and recently sex has been a hot topic. Some of my friends are virgins, some aren't, but up until now the only people having sex were ones in exclusive things or relationships. I've always heard that it's a good idea to loose your virginity before going to college since the first time can be emotional/painful and you want to be with people you've known your whole life, not just three weeks. I don't want to loose my v card just for the sake of loosing it but I do want to have sex before college. And I feel like if it's a guy I like and been friends with for awhile it's fine? (I used to think I would have to be exclusive with a guy but as I've gotten older sex has become less of a big deal).
Sex has always meant something to me. In my last relationship, we came close but never did since I didn't think I was ready. Recently I've felt like the "being ready" thing is a myth, but at the same time don't want to regret doing it. Obviously I wouldn't have sex with someone if it was the first time we've hooked up (or at least at this point I'm not there yet), but I still feel like it suck to have sex with a guy and then the next weekend see him get with another girl (I know I need to get used to this for college). And also I would want to have sex more than once, so if I'm not with the guy it's not guaranteed that we would hook up again. It is a bad idea/slutty to have sex for the first time with a guy I'm not with? Also, does it matter if he's not a virgin?
Not sure if I should wait for "the right one"
Dear Virgin who can drive,
Woah, okay. So first of all, it’s “losing” your virginity. Not loose. Sorry, it drove me fucking crazy. And second, I’ve never been in a car accident before, but I def think I had my first experience of whiplash while reading your letter.
It sounds like you sort-of, kind-of want it to be a special experience, but then you decided mid-letter that you were over that whole scene. Look kid, to be completely honest it’s one of those “you can’t have your cake and eat it too” kind of things. If you lose your virginity to one of the guys you have “known your whole life”, you might be surprised how fucking awkward that can be for you both. On the flip side, losing it to some rando frat guy in college who lasts for like 6 seconds is not exactly orgasm inducing.
You’re totally right- as you get older, you really DGAF about sex. But when it’s your first time, it’s a little bit of a big deal. You keep saying how you think “being ready” or whatever is a myth, but judging from this letter, you are a lot like me 30 minutes before every single planned function: not fucking ready. I've never actually heard of anyone above the age of 22 saying that she wished she had lost her virginity earlier. It's just not something that you need to rush and once you do it, no one gives a shit how old you were as long as you're not a member of the Duggar family.
If you want my expert advice, which you obvs do, wait it out. It’s like November and last I checked college starts in like a fucking year. You have tons of time to fix your hymenally-challenged status. Who knows, you might be in a serious relationship (which seems to be a factor for you) by then. Or you might just give less of a fuck, either one. But to answer your oddly specific questions: no, it’s not slutty to pop your cherry with a FWB or whatever. It’s your first time, so really the only person who can judge it is you. And no, it doesn’t matter if he’s not a virgin. In fact, it might be better. Just because he wasn’t with you for his first time doesn’t mean it’s not special to him. Besides, you’re 18 and JUST starting to talk about sex so you’re a little late to the game, so expect that he won't be a virgin. Plus experience is a good thing, I fucking promise you.
Wait until you’re like 25 and you’ll laugh about this whole thing,